Not soon after, I interviewed, got the job instantly, and made the move. Only my new house wasn’t finished so Phil offered to let me crash with them this summer while I waited.

“I’ll drink to that. Oh, and to your house being finished next week,” he laughs and we clink bottles.

“Remind me never to build again. It’s taken them a month longer than they said, but they’ve guaranteed it by next Friday. Either way, I appreciate you letting me stay with you this summer. It’s clear those boys needed me here as soon as possible; they were a fucking mess. I thought I was going to have to do three a days if that’s even possible.”

Phil lets out a laugh as he closes the grill lid. “No problem. Megan was gone the whole time, so someone needed to fill the silence.”

“Ha ha. Whatever,” I say, rolling my eyes. He and his wife have been far from quiet. I’m not sure if they always go at it like that or if it is because their kid is out of the house. “I’ll go check out front and see if she’s back. Wouldn’t want you taking your eyes off the grill. Remember the last time you got distracted?” I say this as Janet comes up behind him and puts her arms around his waist.

“I remember having to order out because the steaks were so burned. Good thing I didn’t marry you for your grilling skills.”

Phil turns around and scoops her up, kissing her lips. I take that as my cue and walk out. I’ve tried to give them their privacy this summer, but I can’t help but see them in moments like this and feel a spark of envy. I’ve never felt that way about a woman before. Never had a single thought of wanting something like that.

They are older than me, so I keep telling myself I have time, but at thirty years old, one would think I’d have felt something close to love. As it is right now, I just fuck to get off, and the women I’ve been with know the score. When I played college and pro, I kept my head in the game, even when it was off-season. I knew after I was done playing football I could try for something like that, maybe have a family, but it’s been a year since I left and I’ve still not felt any pull to want that with a woman.

As I walk through the living room, I look at all the birthday decorations, eyeing a Star Wars cake in the middle of the table. What kind of eighteen-year-old girl would have a Star Wars cake? Maybe there was a mix-up at the store.