"Look, I can't watch this anymore. Blake Brook came back to the Brook family two years ago - how old were you then? Andrew Brook is fifteen years older than you, prime 'old house catching fire' age. Making a gay man your age share a bed with a fully developed teenager who's soft as butter? Don't you think that's a bit cruel?"

I froze mid-kick, comforter stuffed in my mouth.

"And what's this about no birthday celebration? Did you forget about the handmade noodles ...