Maya

At night, the flashbacks hit me hard, snatching away any traces of sleep.

I sat up after a whole hour of tossing and turning on the bed. At this point, I knew I would have to spend the rest of the night wide awake.

It was no longer the same pack, the same room, the same people, but everything in my life still felt eerily familiar. Maximus and Leonardo were haunting presences in my life. Yet, upon rejecting them, a void lingered in my heart, a palpable absence of something precious that I had cast aside. But it wasn’t precious, was it? That mate bond was a curse.

God! I hated the fact that my emotions, pain, and restlessness – everything remained stubbornly fucking unchanged, and it irked me to no end.

It irked me that severing a bond that only brought pain was affecting me so deeply.

They had fucking ruined me, and here I was, shedding tears for them.

Why? What had they done to hold such significance for me? They had tortured me, laughed in my face when they deemed it necessary, shattered my heart, killed my very soul, and tainted my wounds with the darkness of their hatred, ensuring the scars never faded. Yet, I couldn't stop feeling something for them.

Damn it. I was fucked up.

Just the mere thought of them was fucked up. Why did I need to dwell on those two individuals whose sole intention and final decision were to end my life and call it ‘avenging’ their mother’s death?

I was certain they were probably surveilling me with weapons at this very moment. I could sense without a doubt that they'd just kill me wherever they spotted me, without even granting me the chance to speak. 

They wouldn’t even care about our child, would they? Fuck no. They wouldn’t.

Unable to contain my restlessness any longer, I draped the robe over the nightie and stepped out of my room. Fortunately, Stella had given me a tour of the pack earlier today, and I couldn't thank her enough for that. I would have undoubtedly lost my way in this space – not as vast as Blackthorn, but sizable enough to confuse newcomers.

Descending the stairs, I made my way outside. Perhaps a leisurely stroll through the garden area would offer some solace, if only to clear my mind.

As I reached the garden, I took a deep breath, finding comfort in the night winds—they were gentle and cold. The moon shone brightly, yet it failed to captivate me at all. There was a time when I used to admire it, but now, in the face of a goddess who could be so merciless, why revere her symbol? It seemed absurd.

Sighing, I wandered, passing by freshly bloomed roses adorned with dewdrops on their vibrant red petals. I crouched down, captivated by the flowers, wiping away a stray droplet.

"I wish there was someone who cared at least enough to wipe away my tears, just as I care about wiping these dewdrops off your beautiful petals," a soft whisper escaped my lips. "Who can I blame? Is it fate, perhaps?"

Sighing, I stood up and turned to leave, only to bump my head into a solid obstacle, almost stumbling backward. My hands shot up, instinctively grasping onto the fabric of someone's clothing, while a hand slid around my waist, preventing me from colliding with the ground.

Wait, how did a wall have clothing and hands? Oh, right. It wasn't a wall; it was a person.

My eyes snapped open, and I found myself face-to-face with Nathaniel.

Oh...

So, it wasn't a wall after all. I could be incredibly dense sometimes.

"I-I..." I opened my mouth to speak, but no words emerged, leaving me shocked and speechless.

"You alright?" he asked, his hand around my waist still in place as he gently lifted me until I stood steadily.

"Yeah, I am... I am alright," I stammered as he began to pull away. "Thanks."

"What are you doing here at this hour?" he inquired, his orbs glowing under the moonlight, "Can't sleep?" 

"Yeah, I just felt like taking a stroll might help."

"Well then, you can trust me on this; it's not going to help with the kind of problem you're having now," he said, as if he knew the reason I couldn't sleep well. Of course, he'd know; he had seen my state last night, and it was evident what situations I had been through to take such a bold step into another territory.

"Why do you think that?"

I saw his body stiffen at my question; however, he spoke soon after, "How can you replace things you lost with things that are trivial?" He let out, his eyes cold, as was his voice. "Nothing fulfills something you have lost, Maya. Nothing ever will. So instead of trying to fill that void and hoping for someone else to wipe your tears, do it yourself. At least that way, you'd have yourself with you, or else none."

So he had heard me...

Before I could respond, he turned around, and began to walk away, leaving my mind swirling with questions.

I had seen everyone in the pack except for Nathaniel's mate or family. Everyone here was seemingly just friends, most with no one else to introduce other than themselves – no mates, no parents, no one. None of the pack members spoke about Nathaniel after a certain point. Moreover, they would restrain themselves when recounting certain happy events of their lives, as if the people who were present in those moments were no longer here.

All these observations hinted at many things and sometimes nothing at all.

So, what could it mean? What had these people gone through that beneath their smiles, it seemed like something else was hidden?

I never had anyone to understand my story, but I could perceive others through their eyes. I had no one to make my void fade away; that's why I could recognize if that void existed within someone else. Lastly, I had no one—literally no one—to stand by my side. That's why I knew when and how much someone wanted someone beside them just by looking into their eyes.

And Nathaniel... he looked like he wanted that more than anyone else, and that someone he desired was far away from his reach, just like Leonardo and Max were far from me.

"You never asked me why I escaped my previous pack, from my mates..." I spoke up, and Nathaniel halted on his spot at my statement. "I know you said that you care more about saving a life than killing one, but as an Alpha, weren't you supposed to know my  backstory to ensure your pack’s safety? You had your doubts that I was a spy, yet you let me in, and decided to believe me just after I said that I was pregnant. You acted on your emotion. So, What is it that you lost?"