Maya

Nathaniel's body froze at my question, visible tension coursing through him as he slowly turned to face me. For a moment, pure hesitation hung in the air, as if he grappled with the reluctance to revisit past traumas— I couldn’t really point it out but it was something, something that made me question my decision. 

Maybe I should have held back…

Then, he opened his mouth.

"I didn't ask you because I thought you were telling the truth," he confessed, hands tucked into his pockets. "I didn't want to be the kind of person who distrusts you and pushes you into a situation that could potentially endanger both you and your baby—that's not who I am. I want to save people, even if it comes at the cost of my own life.” 

I could tell he was honest. It was apparent, yet he hadn't directly addressed my question or maybe he didn’t want to.

I didn't want to coerce him, but the curiosity nagged at me. I wanted to unravel the layers beneath the man who had chosen to save my life, offering a new chance to belong to his pack despite the risks of me being a spy or a rogue. Most people wouldn't make such a selfless choice.

People were selfish, and their intentions even more so. I had been through stages where no one offered me help, and now that someone finally had, I found myself burdened with unwanted questions, craving clarification

"I understand," I nodded, drawing in a breath as I took a few steps closer. "But you still haven't answered me yet."

"Why do you want to know, Maya?" he inquired. "Is it to ensure your safety in my pack, or to gauge the intentions of those around you? Are you trying to make sure you won't end up in a situation where you have to leave your pack again? If that’s what it is for, then I can assure you, you are safe here. You can trust us.”

“No, that’s not actually the case. I do trust everyone. In fact, I feel safe here, safer than I’ve ever been. I want to know because… I want to understand the actual reason for why you allowed me to stay and were willing to take the risk. Look, I understand that you prioritize saving lives over taking them, but you took a significant risk, especially when your pack is dealing with rogues now. So, I wanted to know the reason that led you to let me stay and take that risk. Your reason, because I think there’s more to it. That’s all.”

He fell silent for a few seconds, running his fingers through his hair, and exhaling a tight breath. “Because…” He hesitated for a moment before finally speaking, “You said you were pregnant, and there was a time when I couldn’t save someone and lost both of them at once.”

His statement caught me off guard. I had expected something tragic Nathaniel could be hiding, but I hadn't anticipated this. Not at all.

Before I could say anything, he continued, “I lost my wife and child to the rogues, Maya. I couldn’t save them, even though I desperately wanted to. They died before my very eyes. In fact, it’s not just me; everyone here in the pack has lost someone close to them. I don’t know if you've noticed, but most of us living in the pack don’t have families because we’ve lost them. That’s our truth that we try to forget and live with. And that’s my story—I couldn’t save someone I loved, and I couldn’t give my unborn child the chance to live in this world. Now, I'm here, wishing every day that I could just die and be with them. So, that day when you... when you came and said you were pregnant, in your helplessness, I saw my mate. She had also begged to be spared when I was watching her, being half-dead myself, wanting to move but remaining unable to do so. I didn’t want to lose the chance to save someone again—I never want to, for the rest of my life.” His voice cracked, and his eyes began to tear up, but he brushed it away.

God…..

I shouldn't have asked. It must have caused him so much pain to remember all of it again because of my questions.

“I…I am so sorry,” I let out, guilt weighing heavily on me. “I didn’t want to….I shouldn’t have asked you. I am really sorry.”

“No, don’t be,” he breathed out. I could see he was losing control; his breathing had become heavier, and his fists clenched and unclenched. It seemed like he was on the brink of losing it. I had been through similar situations—when flashbacks hit you, they drain all life and hope out of you, and you feel it slipping away, bit by bit. It is absolutely fucking painful.

“It’s not like I can forget any of it. They’ll always remain the first thing in my head no matter where I go, what I do, and what happens next. So it’s not your fault; you were merely asking,” he turned to walk away, but I stopped him.

“Nathaniel, wait…”

I walked over to him, standing in front of him. “You are restless, it’s not okay. Please sit for a while.”

“It’ll just make it worse,” he emitted a bitter chuckle before shaking it off. “Don’t worry, Maya. I am fine; I will handle myself. It’s very late at night, and I think you should go to your room.”

“But—“ Before I could finish my sentence, he walked past me, striding away from the place. I watched as he went out of my sight, wondering if I had made a wrong decision by asking him or the right one. Either way, I didn't like the fact that I brought out his old memories by doing that.

I should apologize to him in the morning…

Yes, I should because I officially fucked up.