He narrows his eyes at me as though he’s thinking, then he turns to the nearest assistant and loudly says, “Can you help my girlfriend pick some new underwear out? Preferably black and fuckable as I ripped hers off. She’s currently going commando.” He grins and throws me a triumphant look as every face in the shop snaps around to stare, first at him, then at me. 

Gobsmacked, my face turns puce, and I spin away, completely mortified. I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, or ...