‘What?’ I blurt out in complete disbelief, half blinking as my brain catches up and half shocked into numbness. He has his eyes locked on me, standing a foot away, suffocating me with his sheer size, but I stand my ground and do the only thing I can do.

I burst out laughing because he surely isn’t being serious, and this has to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Into comical hysterics so intense I instantly bend double as tears fill my eyes, and struggle to breathe ...