I can see the way she watches me as if the wheels in her head are turning. Her voice is slow, “We don’t have any Lynx shifters in the area, and since you work in town, you must be a long-time resident.” Her eyes narrow, “Don’t tell me you’re a panther?”

I close my eyes, readying myself to be kicked out of the restaurant, but when nothing happens, aside from a snarl coming from Lexi’s direction, I open my eyes and see a wry smile forming on Seline’s face.

“Sorry,” I mumble.

“For what?” Seline laughs lightly. “You shouldn’t be sorry you’re a Panther.”

“But I know that Panthers and Wolves-”

“Oh, forget about that,” she leans forward, and when Lexi’s growl intensifies in volume, she snaps, “Zip it, Lexi. Go in the kitchen if you have a problem with her!”

He falls into a sullen silence, but I can see him staring at me, and I feel a stab of fear. His wolf is in his eyes, and I know that if I make one false move, it’s lights out for me.

Seline turns her attention towards me, “I can help you remove this seal.”

I look down at my hand and desperately want to say yes, my heart thudding. Common sense dictates that I say yes and then escape my brothers. But the fear they have instilled within me is no small thing. I’m terrified of what they will do to me if they find me.

“N-No,” I shake my head. “I can’t risk it.”

I feel stupid and weak right now, but a lifetime of abuse leaves its marks.

“Look-”

I get to my feet, shaking now, “You don’t understand! I can’t!”

Seline looks at me in shock, “Okay. Okay, why don’t you-”

“I should go,” I grab my bag, trembling. “I’m sorry. I should – I’m sorry-”

I rush out, and no one stops me.

My appetite is long gone, and I run all the way to the clinic. My heart is racing when I stumble to a stop, searching for my keys and fumbling with the lock.

As soon as I enter, I close and latch the door before slumping to the floor.

When did I become so weak and helpless?

My arms are tight around my knees as I rock back and forth, my tears hot and relentless. I wish I was stronger like Seline or had the self-confidence that Universe wore like a second skin. But everything I was has been meticulously beaten out of me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t know what I like. I don’t know how to exist without fear.

A strangled cry of misery rips from my throat.

I need an out. I don’t want to die a painful death.

My eyes flick toward the back room where all the medicines are kept.

Perhaps.

What if I -?

I find myself stumbling to my feet, and I hurry toward the room.

I’ve put down plenty of animals who have been without any hope. I know the ingredients. For a Panther shifter like me, the dosage will have to be stronger. My hands shake as I start pulling medicines from their spots, mixing and measuring.

An out. Just for an ‘in-case.’ I’m not taking it right now. But if I can’t escape, at least I will be able to save myself from the torture.

It takes me a full half hour to ready three vials. I don’t know if it will work, but my heart feels lighter.

I stare at the light-looking vials before pocketing them all, along with a syringe.

I don’t want to die. I want to experience so many things in life. But I also need a fail-safe now. And this is going to be mine.

*** ****

The first thing I see when I reach home is meat.

Piles and piles of packaged meat.

I don’t have to ask to know who it is from.

Chris, who is on the phone, beckons to me, and I slowly make my way toward him.

I have to wait quietly till he is done with the call. Finally, when he ends it, he glances at me, “Where did you go this morning?”

“To work.”

“Not that early, you didn’t,” he says coldly.

“I-”

Before I can even finish what I was about to say, he grabs my braid and yanks at it in a painful grip, “Don’t lie to me. Where were you?!”

“I left early to clear my head!” I cry out in pain as he twists his hand. Fear and agony are a terrifying mixture. I’m sure he’s going to rip my scalp out.

“Chris!” Darius’s voice is cautious as he rushes toward us. “Stop it!”

He pulls me towards him, and for a moment, a flicker of a second, I feel relieved. My brother is back. He’s protecting me.

And then, “She belongs to Nolan now. We can’t touch her. I already told you.”

Chris looks annoyed, “Fine. Go clean your face and put something on it. You have to go see Nolan.”

“W-What?” My heart sinks.

“Didn’t you hear me?” He suddenly snarls. “He sent us all this meat. You’re going to go and thank him. In person.”

The last part is emphasized, and my blood runs cold as I realize what he means.

He can’t possibly be-

“Go!”

I scramble when he roars at me, his teeth shifting.

My mind is blank as I take a shower and put on clean clothes. I hesitate when I see my bag packed. It takes me a second to pick up a small cross-body satchel and hide the vials and the syringe in it, just in case.

Fortunately, it’s only Lee out there when I exit the house.

“Guess we shouldn’t wait up for you,” he laughs.

I give him a blank look, feeling numb.

What did I do to deserve this?

Nolan’s territory is not far from ours, but it still takes me over an hour to reach the edge. There’s someone already waiting for me there.