Xiaoli's pov

Later in the day...

After leaving the hospital, I flagged down a cab and climbed in. The driver glanced at me through the rearview mirror, his tone polite but curious.

"Where are you headed, ma’am?" he asked.

Where was I going? I honestly didn’t know. I just needed to get away from the hospital, and home wasn’t an option on my list. Still, I couldn’t leave the driver hanging, so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Where’s the closest and biggest hardware store around here?"

With a raised eyebrow the driver replied,half surprised,half curious.

"The hardware store? That’d be Shang Youcang. Should we head there?"

"Yes, please."

"Alright."

I had no idea why I’d asked about a hardware store, but it was the only thought my brain could conjure up. It was as if some invisible force was steering me.

Glancing ahead I caught the driver’s gaze flickering toward me in the rearview mirror. He seemed to be working up the courage to say something, and after a moment, he spoke.

"Erm… Miss, I don’t mean to pry, but you seem stressed. Is something bothering you? If there is, you can share it with me. They say a problem shared is a problem halved."

As soon as he finished speaking an awkward silence stretched out between us, heavy and unyielding.

I could clearly see the concerned expression of the driver as I toyed with the idea of opening up. On a normal day, I wouldn’t entertain the idea of spilling my thoughts to a stranger, but today wasn’t normal anyway. Today, everything felt dark and gloomy. And besides, what harm could it do? I was soon to die anyway.

The driver must have sensed my hesitation because he smiled awkwardly and added, "Sorry if I was too forward. I just thought—these days, depression’s everywhere, especially among young people. If it’s nothing, don’t worry—”

"It's fine," I interrupted, my voice flat.

“....don't take it to hea….huh,you don't mind?"

" Yeah.”

I could see the look of surprise on his face when I actually accepted. Without beating around the bush he went straight to the point.

“Okay so, what's wrong? And by the way my name is Zhou Dashang,you can just call me old man Zhou."

Gazing out the window,I felt the rushing winds brush past my face,causing me to tear up.

“. Old man Zhou,what would you do if your son or daughter only had five months left to live?”

“What!"

I could clearly see the shock on his face as the cab jerked a bit. It was the same as when I also learnt about my terminal illness. His mouth was wide open and could probably fit a whole egg.

Scratching his head,he thought for a while before he replied.

“Err, this,....isn't this too extreme? Like I can’t imagine it. But if it did happened... I’d try to make those five months their best. Be there for them. Help them with whatever’s on their heart. A bucket list, maybe."

I was surprised a bit as what he said was the same as doctor Zhao's but then my expression dulled as I remembered that I was all alone.

" What if you don't have any loved ones?" I whispered.

Old man Zhou’s face fell. "That... that’s hard. But kiddo, even if you feel alone, miracles do happen."

Gazing out the window I muttered to myself.

“Yeah,I know.”

………..

After driving for a whole thirty minutes,old man Zhou dropped me off right in front of Shang Youcang. Before leaving he looked at me one last time.

"Take care, kiddo. And don’t forget—miracles might find you when you least expect them."

Watching him drive away,I couldn't help but feel a sense of warmth. How I wish I had my own family but I knew that was an impossibility. Turning around I beheld the Shang Youcang. Standing in front of the building I knew what I wanted to do and without any hesitation,I headed inside.

……..

Leaving Shang Youcang with a bag in hand,I flagged another cab,this time with a proper destination in mind:Fuxing park.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, the park lay nearly deserted. The crisp evening air chilled my skin as I made my way to the Lovers’ Lake. Memories of Chen Feng flooded back—his laughter, his corny jokes, the way we’d sit by this very lake and dream of a future that would never come.

Those were the good times,but as they say good times don't last.

Sighing,I emptied the bag I was carrying,revealing it's contents.

A knife,a gun and some heavy duty rope. It needed no more clarification for an observant person to determine what I wanted to do.

Yes you guessed it. I was about to commit suicide!

The thought of spending each day bitterly waiting for death was just too unsettling for me,that'll be like letting fate have the last laugh and I wasn't willing. Thus,I decided to take matters into my own hands.

But then as I stared at these things I felt lost,I didn't know how to use any of them. Thinking about all those movies where someone committed suicide,I decided to try their methods.

Looping the rope around a random tree branch,I tried to dangle off it only to give up due to the pain from suffocating. Same with the knife and gun,especially the gun. The idea of a bullet tearing through me made my stomach churn.

Helpless,I thought hard of a painless way to die before an idea popped up in my mind

Ask online!

Why didn't I think of that.

Drawing out my phone,I quickly browsed through those online forums that talked about suicide before coming across a post that said drowning was the best. You just had to take it slowly and free up yourself,it said.

Coincidentally,there was a lake in front of me!

I stood up, tossing my phone onto the ground. Taking a deep breath, I walked to the water’s edge.

"Goodbye, world," I whispered, stepping into the icy embrace of the lake.

The water was so cold as I waded deeper. I closed my eyes, letting my weight draw me down. But the moment the suffocation began,my instincts kicked in.

I clawed at the surface, desperate for air. The desire to live suddenly surged through me, overpowering the darkness.

Dang it! Who said that drowning was painless!

But the water was relentless, and slowly drowsiness crept in.

As my strength faded, I thought of old man Zhou’s words.

Miracles.

Maybe one would find me.

Maybe not.

And then….,everything went black.