I’M DOING THIS FOR YOU

NEZIRA

Seeing them was enough heart ache. I walked out of the room. Tears stung in my eyes. My husband sleeping with my bestie right under my nose. The same husband who refused to touch me through out my four months pregnancy. Claiming he’s scared as he doesn’t need me to miscarry. Yet he still refused to touch me still after the miscarriage. For six good months I’ve been a celibate married woman and there he is sleeping with my pregnant friend. I ran down the stairs and wiped out tears on my eyes, I can’t cry for good riddance.

“Nezi! Nezira wait!” Dwayne called my name as he ran after me. Turning behind to see him putting on a short as he ran. I waited for him to get close and then threw a slap across his cheeks. His face turned to the left of the slap and I threw another, again, again, and again. I was about to throw another when he grabbed my hand mid air. I struggled to free myself but his grip was tight.

“Why don’t you just kill me? Couldn’t you wait for the next six months before you started showing your true colours. Why did you make me look so naïve, and foolish. I always thought I was smart. Dwayne what are you?” I asked him as the tears I held finally pour from my eyes. I still struggled to free from his grip but to no avail.

“Nezi!” he called my name softly. Hearing him call my name made me want to puke.

“Never call my name you filth.” I warned him as he averted his gaze to the ground. I sniffed hard as I used the back of my left palm to clean my eyes.

“I’m doing this for you” Dwayne asserted as he made to touch my face making me flinch.

“What do you mean by you’re doing this for me. Is that the justification for your actions. How is sleeping with my bestie good for me?” I asked as his face turned sour. Nezira you’re the biggest fool on earth. “Answer me!” I yelled at him.

“Nezira, we both know you can’t get pregnant, I know you wish to carry a child. I’ve talked to you several times about adopting a child but you refused, claiming you wanted to carry your child. Nezira it’s impossible, you’ll end up reducing your life span and I don’t want that.” My face turned red. Watching him stand here and spew nonsense from his mouth was so infuriating. Nezira you brought this up on yourself. Why didn’t you read the handwriting on the wall before delving into marriage.

“So, because I refuse an adoption is that the reason you hated the child in my womb. Dwayne you made pregnancy hell for me. Never helped me get my pregnancy cravings. When I needed your help you’ll turn your back at me leaving me to fend for myself. Your way of telling me to consider adoption was by making me suffer and when you saw I was hell bent on keeping the pregnancy you tried killing the child.” I yelled at him as he released his grip on me.

“I’m doing this for you. Freda is like a sister to you and the child in her womb would be handed over to you once he’s born. I know you always crave to hold a child in your womb but since you can’t we have to Improvise.” He said so shamelessly. I can’t believe I ended up with this cruel monster. It then dawned on me that Dwayne was none other but Freda’s Mr. Mysty. Fuck! I cursed. The same Mr. Mysty I teased her to meet was right before me. Our meeting at the airport wasn’t a coincidence. Freddie’s six months gone, that’s to say we got pregnant same time and this also explains why he hated my child. He cared for Freddie. He never knew my child’s gender but knew Freddie’s.

“You’re a narcissist, vampire, and a monster.” How was I so dumb not to have noticed? Love makes one so vulnerable that even the smartest turns foolish. Enraged, I pounced on Dwayne. I don’t care if I did here but I know I’ll die fulfilled as I’m hitting him. Each punch thrown at him was my resentment. The same man who made my pregnancy journey hell made Freddie’s heaven. The same man I wished Dwayne to be whenever Freddie called me to tell me of her mystery man was none other than Dwayne. Freddie walked straight to me wearing Dwayne’s stripped T-shirt with Black thigh that stopped after her buttocks. Her hands rested firmly on her protruding stomach, as if to shield the child within. Or perhaps, to taunt me. She wore his clothes with an audacity that stunned me, especially after I had caught them together.

“Nezira, I didn’t want it to come to this. Dwayne loves you deeply, and after everything you went through with your miscarriage, he believed this was the best solution for you to experience motherhood without that heartache again. As for me, I have no feelings for your husband. it’s purely the cravings of pregnancy. You should be able to see that.” She said, pouting her lips and gently rubbing her belly, exuding a confidence that only added to my anger.

“Pregnancy craving you say, Dwayne treated me like I was shit. I’m a cervical cancer patient you know how hard it is for me to get pregnant and finally I became pregnant. Only to be treated like shit. I was fending for myself. Do you know how hard it is. I had cravings but were left unanswered. I was treated like a beggar. I was pregnant not sick. Dwayne distanced himself from me, even depriving me of sex especially when I was horny. Yet I never looked outside, It hurts me to see that you both stand tall to justify your actions.” I said as Dwayne walked closer to Freda, hugging her from behind then placed his hands on her stomach. Caressing it softly. A tear escaped from my eyes, I stood watching them with my fist clenched. Inhaling and exhaling deeply. I can feel a thousand needles pierced into my heart without anesthesia.

“Nezi, look at the bright side. We are doing this for you. Freda would hand over the child here to you. She’s theost thoughtful friend one can ever have. Don’t you know many things she has deprived herself of. Her status as a pregnant single lady, which in turn can chase suitors from her as they would confuse her for a pregnant lady. She gave up a lot just for you to become a mom. This is the rarest kind of love. I’m sorry if I acted indifferent to you while you were pregnant but you should know that I was scared, I was scared of loosing you.” He said as he left Freda and walked up to me. Then placed his hands on my shoulders.

“The thought of loosing you enveloped me. All I could think of was life afterwards. Nezi, you just have six months. I knew your wish was to carry your child before you depart so, I’m granting that wish.” He said as I jerked his hands off my shoulders. Then turned to Freda.

“How long has this been going on and many months gone are you?” I asked unexpectedly calm. Judging by her protruded stomach one could tell that her EDD is near.

“I’m six months gone already. In the next three months, you’ll be a mom.” She explained smiling. My face turned grim. My clenched fist flung into the air, throwing a punch at Dwayne.

“Why go behind my back? I loved you even when you hurt me. You got my friend pregnant and you both stand boldly justifying your actions. Tagging betrayal as sacrifice. If I have been a fool to you, I ceased being that fool. If you love me enough you’ll never do this to me. We lost our first pregnancy. She was just four months old. Any other child outside my womb can never be mine.” I cried while hitting him. He held my hands tight.

“Get yourself together Nezira. We’ve been married fit Ten years. Do you think I’m not worried? First it was cervical cancer and now your days are numbered. I know the wish of every woman is to carry her child and seeing how you wanted one, I decided to do this for you. At least you should thank us because no husband and bestie would do same.”

“Is this how you justify cheating on me and sleeping with another woman in our matrimonial bed. I loved you when you were nothing. Now you’ve risen so high that you can plot behind me. And you get yourself and that bastard in your womb out of my house. I’ve always wanted to meet your mystery man but I just realized that I’ve been a fool. I’ve been played. My husband turns out to be your Mr. Mysty. You cried with me when I lost aria. You console me and stab me at same time I’m pained and don’t want to associate with you again.” I said as I used the back of my palm to clean my eyes. Sniffing hard.

“I’m not leaving the baby’s father you can do your worst. I sacrificed my worth for you. Do you know how many suitors have walked out of my life because of this pregnancy. I did this so at least you’ll be called a mother and would have am heir but my good has turned bad. I’m now tagged a whore when I sacrificed my dignity just so you’ll live a fulfilled life. Nezi, I’m not leaving here with this child in my womb.” She ranted shamelessly as I dived her and threw a slap across her face. Next she was on the ground clutching her stomach and crying then the door opened. Flora, Dwayne’s mom. Rushed into the room holding Freda and checking if she was okay. It happened so fast when I felt a slap on my right cheek and another on my left. From Dwayne and his mom. The slap sure stings but what stings most is betrayal from those meant to stand by my side now.

“Do you intend on killing my child?” Dwayne asked me infuriated.

“Look that child in Freda’s womb would not die like the one you killed in your womb. You cannot stand in my son’s way of being a father.” She yelled angrily, then it dawned on me that I’m the biggest fool here. Even Flora knew about this and I had been locked in the dark shelf. Now the shelf is being opened in a well lot room all I can do is squint my eyes. The light is too bright. I wish the shelf was never opened at least in six months time, I’ll die thinking that my husband still loves me. But I’m now left to spend my last days in pain. Knowing that I cannot birth any child.