"Past unveiled"

“Oh no!” I exclaimed as my fingers shook.

I trembled as I held an old journal, its blue pages with words written with white ink on it, revealing some dark secrets about Xavier's experiences.

As I read through the old journal carefully, my eyes caught the sight of a familiar name,

“Alpha Dane,” I shouted out the name as if my tongue leapt out of my mouth.

I couldn't believe what my eyes were feeding my heart with at that moment.

The page was like a million words penned down, not literally so many words to say, but every word written on that page was so undeniably and convincingly vivid about Alpha Dane's involvement in Xavier's hurts that led to his trauma.

As I flipped through and read on through the pages of this journal I held, my heart was printing and I felt the sacred heart of Xavier when he wrote down these experiences. I couldn't help it but imagine the pain and hurt Xavier had endured all these years. The weight of what I read about his traumas pressed hard upon me, and I knew somehow ‘I needed to confront him,’ I uttered.

“I have to ask him.” I gently dropped the journal under his pillow on his bed and walked out of Xavier's room. I quickly remembered that in order to confront Xavier about his past with Alpha Dane, I would need the journal right amidst our conversation.

I turned back and headed to Xavier's room, raised the pillow on his bed, grabbed the journal and sneakily walked out of the room.

As I walked through the narrow corridors leading to my room, I was so absent-minded that I did not notice the presence of any passerby nor did I answer any greetings. I was dumbfounded as all the pictures of what I read through Xavier's journal flashed back in my memory.

I searched for Xavier all round the rooms in the royal house, but I didn't find him. It was a very hot afternoon and Xavier was out in the courtyard taking air.

From a distance, I sighted him standing with his back facing the out outrance to the courtyard. I thought to myself

‘Why is Xavier all alone out here, where is Thalia, his right-hand woman?’ I quickly snapped out of my thoughts and summoned up courage to approach him.

“Xavier,” I said softly, my voice was hard to hear even by myself.

I called out again “Xavier,”

This time around my voice was barely beyond a whisper.

“I need to talk to you about something.”

Xavier's eyes looked directly at mine with his cautious expression.

“What is it?” he said, his voice so deep but golden to behold.

I didn't hesitate. I couldn't have hesitated to start any conversation with him on any other day, but today's yearning for his listening ears was different. I knew somehow that this is not something he would have loved to talk about. Not certain of how to begin,

I stammered as I said,

“It's.. It's..about your... Your.... past, about Alpha Dane's involvement.” I finally probed out.

Xavier's face went dark, his eyes turned red, flashing with anger, hatred and hurt.

“What do you just say?” he queried, his voice harsh with mixed emotion about what I knew about his past with Alpha Dane's, and why did I want to talk about his past life?

It's like opening a healed wound. Although he hasn't forgotten the horrible things Alpha Dane did.

I sighed heavily as I breathed in and out, exhaling the cool air in the courtyard. I gently handed him the journal. Xavier stared at my hands for a while before taking the journal from me.

His eyes went through the pages, his face grew paler and paler with each page he flipped. And at that moment, he was right in his past.

Slowly he read, though I could read the emotions sitting ugly out on his face.

Pain, anger, hurt, betrayal – they all sat together on his face like enemies seated at a table making dialogue with one another. Whatever it was, I knew it was not good.

When Xavier was done reading, he looked up at me, his eyes could not hide his vulnerability anymore.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, my voice so gentle and soft.

My heart ached.

“I didn’t know you had all these buckles inside you,” I said softly.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” Xavier replied.

His gaze dropped, his shoulders submitting in defeat.

“You should have told me,” I said, my voice heavy with emotion.

“I had the right to know,” I uttered.

Immediately, I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close to my breast.

“I'm sorry,” I said softly.

“I'm sorry for all you've been through.”

Xavier wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly and firmly like a child who lost a decade ago and just reconnected with his mother.

“You don't have to look out for me.”

Xavier said, weeping as his voice muffled against my shoulder.

“I'm stronger than you can imagine, I'm strong enough to face the truth,” I said.

Lost in our warm embrace, we held each other firmly. I could feel and tell clearly that Xavier's emotions towards me had been exposed.

I had mixed feelings of happiness and sadness. I was sad he had all those scary experiences, but at the same time, she was happy that he was confronting his memories, which was a painful process, but I was right there with him and for him.

With me by his side and in his arms, Xavier felt a sense of safety and comfort he hadn't known before. And at this moment, he knew he could face his past, no matter how difficult it might be.

With me on his side, together, we would confront the demons of his past. My presence assured him that we would face the pain and the hurt, and we would both come out stronger and better on the other side.

Releasing ourselves, Xavier's gaze met mine, and his eyes filled with gratitude.

“Thank you so much,” he said softly.

“Thank you for always being here for me even when I've made you invisible, my love.”

In awe, I smiled gently and questioned my heart,

‘Did he just call me my love?’

I snapped out of my thoughts immediately.

“I'll always be here for you, Xavier,” I responded.

“We'll face the world together.”

He knew he still had a long way to go in forgetting and forgiving his past, but with me by his side, he felt every sense of hope.

Deep down, he knew that his past would always be a part of him, but it didn't have to define and dictate him. And right now, with my love and support, Xavier knew he could overcome his fears and build a better future for him, me, and his entire pack.

“And what is going on here, Xavier?” Thalia interrupted our peaceful moment.