“I found someone better than you, Ella, ” said my childhood friend and my first love, Ethan Peterson.

I looked in his hazel eyes and I felt my heart crashing like a fragile flower. 

I met Ethan when I was six. And he was the only person to treat an illegitimate child like me with respect and mercy. 

He was out of my league. With pretty blond hair and gentle features, he looked like a Greek goddess. He was a talented athlete, always scoring the best at school. And I bet every girl he ever met had a crush on him.

He was shining like the sun, while I belonged to shame and darkness.

Yet I couldn’t help loving him, knowing that it won’t end well.

“But you said you loved me!” I muttered under my sobs.

“I never said that, Ella! Look, you are my best friend, I can’t deny that! But I don’t have feelings for you!”

I opened my mouth in astonishment. In shock.

“Look, I tried to give you a chance to improve, Ella. But still you are far away from being suitable to stand by my side! I don’t want this relationship anymore.”

I couldn’t believe what I heard. For two years I worked as hard as possible to be the perfect girlfriend. Despite all the housework my family makes me do, I used to wake up at five in the morning to prepare him a fresh bento box. Always sending him messages. Always getting him gifts with my little allowance. Always trying so hard to look pretty.

I knew I was not the prettiest, or the smartest, nor the best girl he could get. Yet, he was committed to me! How dare he look at other women while being with me!

Then I recalled what my grandma used to say to me, “You are a disgrace to us, Ella! You should be grateful for the roof we are putting above your head because you do not deserve it!”

Why did I think that he would be different?

I looked at the floor. It’s over.

“We can stay friends, though. I don’t mind it!” He told me.

I bet my lower lip trying to calm a sob and responded, “Sure.”

“I don’t hate you, Ella. But it’s her that I need.” he added.

I could barely believe my ears. 

“Who is she?” I couldn't help asking.

“Sera Bloom.” he replied.

Sera Bloom is the pampered daughter of one of the wealthiest men in the city. I can never compete with her. Not even in a million years. 

Sera bloom. I don't think she would have looked at him with love if she met him when he was a pre-teen or played hide and seek with him when he was a child. I know her well and I know her type. She liked bragging about her boys but she was never there for them nor did she try for any of them.

When I, I was by his side in his darkest hours but never in the brightest. I saw his worst side and hugged it kindly, yet the best side was not reserved for me to hold. 

He was getting harsher with me day after day. In the end he left me for a spoiled daddy-girl who knew nothing about hardship.

That night, I stepped into the kitchen to find my cousins chatting there. Immediately I turned around and was about to run away from them, for they would never lose a chance to bully me. 

Secilia didn’t let it go. She grabbed me by the hair, “Where are you running away to, rat?”

Her sister laughed and I begged her to let go. 

I couldn’t fight her. If I fight she will call my grandma. And I will be the one getting punished no matter what the circumstances. 

“I heard that your cute boyfriend is getting married to Sera Bloom? Is that so?” Judy smirked seeing the shocked grimace on my face. Secilia laughed even cruller as she poured the glass of juice on my head, “Guess he is done toying with the trashy girl. Now that he is serious about his future, he wants to settle with the good one!”

“Sera kept bragging the whole day about her new boyfriend! I guess he didn’t even bother breaking up with you before going out with her!” Judy said and threw the sponge at me, “Go on and clean this mess, unless you want grandma to punish you for dirtying the kitchen!”

The two of them left, still laughing and I fell on my knees sobbing silently.

How could he do this to me?! How is that even possible?! He was gentle and kind! He was so good to me! And now he is humiliating me publicly?! 

He talked to her when we were together as if I was an old pair of shoes!

I had one only light in my life. It was Ethan.

Ethan is gone.

I was in the depths of despair, when I got a phone call. I looked at my screen phone and gasped! It was the last caller I may ever expect: Sera Bloom!

“Ella!” her voice was shaking, “Ethan is not okay! You should go to his house immediately! He needs you!”

Suddenly, new blood ran into my veins. I forgot about my sadness and despair! I forgot everything wrong he did! And I rushed to his place as if my life depends on it. 

I reached the apartment in five minutes. I took the double key I own and went inside. 

It was dark. And it felt ominous.

And suddenly I heard a sweet voice welcoming me: Is that you dear?

It was Ethan. And he was drunk as I never saw him. 

“You came,” Ethan whispered and took me to his room and kissed me roughly.

“Ethan,” I called his name in happiness, “You actually love me?"

“Of course I do,” he carried on the mistake, “thank you for coming to me as I asked you to.”

He took me in his warm embrace and he gave me the best first night ever. My mind was so off due to the euphoria, that I didn't pay attention to the strange thing that just happened: the fact that the one who asked me to come was Sera and not Ethan.

I only discovered my mistake when he murmured her name while taking me. I tried to push him away but he was much stronger than me. I told him I was Ella, I begged him to sliw down but he didn't listen. That wasn't just alcohol that he consumed! Someone drugged him!

“I love you, Serra,” he repeated and my heart crushed the same as my body.

“This can’t be. It must be a nightmare,” I woke up in the morning with my whole body aching. Ethan was screaming at me as he wore his clothes, “I trusted you Ella! I believed you were my friend! Why did you do this?!”

I wasn’t even able to respond.

“Don’t act innocent!” he screamed even higher, “You drugged me and forced yourself on me! You child of sin!”

Ethan didn’t want to hear any word from me. He stormed out and left me, soaked in blood and tears, “God please, let it be a nightmare!”

But, it was reality.

I hurried up cleaning myself and running out of his house, afraid of what that monster may do to me if he comes back. I was in so much pain that I wasn’t able to work straight. And I knew that if I came back to my house in such a state, my grandmother would kill me.

I was stupid. I was young, and I was foolish. Worst of all, I was in love. 

I wished I had someone to run to. I wished I had a caring family or a good friend.

But I was a forsaken girl.

I was a disgrace.

I was a shame.

I felt ashamed. 

“This can’t get worse,” I told myself. 

But I was wrong. In the coffee shop, I heard the news reporter saying, “In a tragic incident, we regret to inform you of the untimely passing of a young man, Mister Ethan Peterson...”

I looked at the TV in the coffee shop, I opened my mouth to scream but the scream came out soundless.

Please God, take my life instead of his!