“Then you have a break, and then you get dressed into this.” She pulls another coat hanger along the ceiling. A huge disgusting costume comes into view.

“You wear the brown tights and the brown stocking over your head, with the costume as a dress.”

“I am not dressing up like a piece of vomit,” I snap.

“It’s pizza,” she corrects me.

“And I draw the line at a stocking over my head. It’s not happening. No way in hell. I’m not a fucking cat burglar.”

She exhales heavily. “All right, princess.”

I narrow my eyes at this tyrant. “I am not a princess.”

“That’s right,” she replies as she shoves the giant bear head into my arms. “You are Binky Bear and Pete Pizza.” She walks toward the door. “Hurry up. Get out there.” She leaves, and the door bangs behind her.

I look at the stupid huge head, and I drop-kick it hard against the wall. “I hate this prick of a job.” I call Eduardo.

“Hello?” he answers.

“Eddie, I am not in the gift shop. I have to dress up like a motherfucking bear.”

“Oh . . .” He falls silent. “Um . . . what will I do?”

What am I doing . . . this isn’t his fault.

“Nothing,” I snap. “I just want you to know how messed up this shit is, but it will be fine. Goodbye.” I hang up in a rush.

I scratch my head and sit for a while as I stare at the suit. Damn it . . . what do I do now?

Eddie got me this job. I can’t fuck it up.

I unzip the suit and peer in. “Ew, has this ever been washed?” I inhale and wince. “Oh no . . . it smells like ass.” I feel the blood begin to drain out of my face.

I can’t do this.

The doors burst open, and the tyrant comes marching back in. “That a boy.”

I glare at her. “What are you doing?”

“I’ve come to help you get into the costume.”

“This isn’t sanitary,” I mutter as I step into the bottom. “I need a rabies shot.”

She exhales heavily and turns me away from her and zips up the bottom.

The suit is huge, and I slip my arms into the big goofy paws. “This bear is fucking ugly,” I grunt.

“I know.”

“If I was a child, this would traumatize me.”

“Yep.” She pulls it up over my shoulders and zips up the top.

“In fact, I’m traumatized as an adult,” I continue.

She lifts the huge head and puts it on. My vision is suddenly a tunnel, and I feel like I can’t breathe. “It’s fucking hot in here,” I yell as the walls begin to close in on me.

“You’ll get used to it,” she says calmly.

“Get used to it?” I gasp. “Nobody could get used to this.”

She grabs my hand and leads me out. “You’ll have someone with you for a while until you acclimatize to the suit.” The feet are huge, and I feel like I am walking in huge skis or Moon Boots or something.

“It fucking stinks in here,” I yell.

“I know.”

“If you know, why don’t you wash the fucking thing?” I call. “Stop being so lazy.”

“Listen,” she growls. “Just walk around the park, and keep your dramatics to a minimum.”

“My dramatics are well warranted,” I yell.

I walk out into the blazing sun, and I begin to sweat.

Oh no . . .

It’s hot . . . hotter than hot. Butter-melting-on-a-hot-plate hot.

She introduces someone, although I can hardly see him. “This is Diego.” I think it’s a teenage boy.

He takes my big goofy paw. “This way.” He leads me along.

Kids start to scream. I can hardly see what’s going on out there. I stumble and fall and land on my hands and knees. “What the hell are you doing, Diego?” I yell.

“Oops, sorry,” he says as he helps me up.

Kids are screaming and yelling and clamoring around me. Where are the parents?

I hear a phone ring, and Diego drops my hand. “Just a minute,” he says.

“What do you mean, just a minute?” Kids bunch around me, yelling and trying to hug my legs. I subtly push them off me. “Don’t,” I tell them. “Calm down.”

Through my tunnel vision, I see Diego talking on the phone, totally distracted.

“Get off the phone,” I snap.

He rolls his eyes and turns his back to me.

Fucker.

I feel a swift kick to my shin, and I look down to see a boy. He’s about six. “Watch it,” I warn him.

He kicks me again, and I gently push him away.

A million kids swarm around me, and I’ve come to the conclusion that this suit is hotter than Satan’s asshole.

I’m dripping with perspiration. There’s no air in this thing. I can’t breathe.

Help.

I look back over to Diego. What is that fucker doing?

I feel something being wedged up my ass. “Ahh.” I turn around to see that same kid who was kicking me before. “Fuck off, kid,” I yell. I push him hard, and he goes flying back.

He stands, infuriated. Then he charges me. I push him back. “Diego,” I yell.

Diego is still facing the other way, and he holds his hand up in a coming signal.

The kid pushes me again, and I stumble back but catch myself. He comes at me again and kicks me up the ass, and I snap. I grab him around the throat with my paws. “Leave me alone,” I growl. “Diego,” I cry. “We have a situation.”

Another kid jumps on my back and starts punching the bear head, and then another one and another one, and I stagger around with ten kids on each leg. “Get off me, you fuckers,” I cry with my hands around the first kid’s neck. He escapes and punches me right in the balls, and I snap.

I rip the bear head off. “Diego. Get off the fucking phone,” I yell.

The kids all scream and run for cover.

“You!” I scream to the devil child. “Where is your mother?”

I hear a voice. “You’re fired.” I turn to see the tyrant, hands on hips, looking furious.

“You can’t fire me, because I quit,” I yell. I drop-kick the bear head into the crowd, and the kids all scream. “And I pissed in your suit,” I yell.

Not really . . . but in hindsight I should have.

I storm over to Diego and snatch his phone. “Get me out of this suit before I strangle you!”

HAYDEN

“You did great today, Hayden.” Maria, my new boss, smiles. “See you tomorrow?”

“Thanks.” I smile. “I had a great first day.” And I did too. This job is a dream.

I walk out the front doors and into the street, and I see a man standing on the sidewalk in the shadows, and my step falters. It’s midnight, not the time when people are just standing around.

I hear a familiar voice. “It’s me, Grumps.”

“Christopher.” I frown. “What are you doing here?” I ask.

“I came to walk you home.”

“That wasn’t necessary.”

He holds something out for me.

“What’s this?”

“I brought your cardigan. It’s cool.”

Oh.