But what about my choices . . . and do they even matter anymore?

I had everything mapped out, and now my hopes and dreams are just . . . gone.

Christopher is the love of my life—I’m talking soul mate shit—but I know that to be with him I have to give up who I am.

For him to move to be with me . . . he would have to give up who he is.

There’s no fucking winner. One of us has to lose everything in order for the other to be happy.

And I want it to be me. I don’t want him to suffer like this . . . but it’s harder than I thought it would be.

Lonelier.

I screw up my face in tears.

If I want to be my true self, then I can’t stay living in a city. If I want a life with Christopher, then I have to stay.

It’s not fair that I have to choose one over the other.

I can’t lose either.

Tears slowly run down my face.

“Hey, babe,” Christopher’s voice says from behind me.

I turn, startled.

“Everything all right?” he asks.

I turn away from him and quickly wipe my eyes. Damn it, how did he know I was here? “Yep.”

He sits down beside me and stares out over the park. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” I try to hide my tears. “I’m okay.”

He raises his eyebrow.

I roll my eyes. “Don’t.”

We fall silent, and I troll my brain for the right thing to say.

“Hayden . . . you need to talk to me . . . I can’t fix this if you won’t talk to me.”

Be honest.

“I think I’m going to go home to the States for a few weeks,” I say softly.

“What?” He frowns. “Why?”

“You’re so busy, and I . . . just need some fresh air . . . and . . .”

His eyes hold mine.

I steel myself to say the dreaded words out loud. “I’m struggling . . . and not entirely sure that city life is for me.”

“My life is in the city, Hayden,” he replies curtly.

My eyes well with tears. “I know.”

“You said you would give it three months.”

“I know I did.”

“It’s been only weeks. Of course you aren’t settled in yet. Give it some time. You’ll come around.”

Come around?

He just doesn’t get it.

“I don’t want to come around, Christopher,” I snap in frustration. “I’m thinking long term.”

“Meaning what?”

“There’s no way I could raise a family here in these conditions.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” he barks angrily.

I shrug.

“A shrug?” he snaps. “You tell me you don’t want to ever raise a family here, and then you answer it with a shrug? You’ve been here for two fucking minutes, Hayden.”

“Don’t get angry.”

“How could I not?” He raises his voice. “These conditions happen to be the best of the best in London. You have a driver, you have a guard, you live in a forty-million-dollar penthouse and can do whatever you like, and it’s still not fucking enough?”

“I don’t have the cleaner I fell in love with, though, do I?” I snap back. “I hate this workaholic version of you. If I met you as you are now, we wouldn’t even be together.”

He sits back in the chair and gives me a sarcastic smile. “And there it is.”

“There what is?”

“I wondered how long it would be until you threw that in my face.”

My temper begins to rise. “Am I not allowed to bring it up? You’re done with that topic, so that’s the end of it? Is that how this relationship works? It’s your way or the highway.”

“Don’t be fucking cute, Hayden. I don’t like it.”

“I beg your pardon.” Adrenaline surges through my bloodstream. “I will not apologize for feeling let down by you. You brought this all onto yourself when you lied to me for twelve months, so don’t you dare fucking sit there and defend your actions like I’m the one with the problem.”

He rolls his eyes, and I see red.

“I’m going home to the farm for a while.”

“No. You’re not,” he snaps.

“What do you mean, no, I’m not?”

“You told me that you would give it three months, and damn it, you will give them to me. You’re having a bad day. Are you going to run back home to Mommy and Daddy every time you have a bad fucking day?”

Unbelievable.

“Proof that you are not fucking listening to a thing I’m saying,” I yell.

“If you go home to that farm, then that’s it,” he yells.

“What?” I screw up my face. “What the hell does that mean?” I explode.

“Just what I said.” He raises his chin in defiance. “I have to live in the city. It is nonnegotiable. If you choose not to give it a proper go, then . . .” He throws up his hands in defeat. “There’s no fucking point. I’m not doing a long-distance relationship. It won’t work.”

“Why not?”

“Because I need sex!” he yells.

I sit back in my seat, shocked to silence.

Wow . . .

Reality hits home like a freight train, my heart splintering into pieces.

We really aren’t going to be able to work through this. I get a lump in my throat. “If sex means more to you than my happiness . . . then I guess . . . this is goodbye.”

He rolls his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic, Hayden. You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I do.” I stand. “I’m going home.”

“This is your home.” He stands in an outrage.

I roll my eyes. “It’s just a few weeks. Who’s the one being dramatic around here?”

“You’re not going.”

“You can’t tell me that I’m not allowed to go home, Christopher. I won’t stand for it.”

“You said you would give it three months.”

“I want to go home for a few weeks. It shouldn’t be a big deal.”

“No. You stay here, and we work through this together. I will not be held over a barrel every time you get homesick. You leave me, and that’s fucking it.”

What the hell?

I can’t believe this. He would really rather we break up than go without sex?

Oh . . .

His silhouette blurs . . .

“Who even are you?” I whisper through tears.

“I’m the man who loves you.”

“Are you sure about that?”

His chest rises and falls as he struggles for air.

“I’m going.”

“Then”—he shrugs—“this is goodbye.”

My eyes search his. “Just like that?”

“I can’t drag this out. If you’re leaving me without trying now, you will always leave me without trying. I can never move out of the city, Hayden. It’s not who I am.”

Oh no.

This really is it . . . my heart constricts in my chest.

We stare at each other, so close but a million miles apart.

“I love you,” I whisper.

“Obviously not enough.” He walks off.

“Are you not coming home to see me off?” I call after him.

“No.” He turns back to face me, his cold eyes holding mine. “Goodbye, Hayden.” He disappears through the park, and I drop back to the seat, shocked to my core.

Checkmate.

I put the last of my things into my suitcase as it lies open on the bed, and I look around the bedroom.

Is this going to be the last time I see it?

Can’t be . . .

No. We’ll get through this. I know we will. We love each other too much not to be together. I glance at the time on my phone: 6:20 p.m.

Where is he?

I texted Christopher when I booked my flight and told him the time I’d be leaving. Don’t tell me he’s not coming home to see me off.

I know I could stay here for a while before I go, plan it better and leave next week or something, but with him working for the next three weeks straight, another day alone in that apartment is not something I can take. And besides, I’m angry at him for throwing the no-sex comment in my face. I know he just said it to try to shock me.

And it worked. He did . . . but not in a good way.

If anything, it’s made me more determined to look after my own happiness. I would never say something like that to him in a fight. It surprised me that he would stoop that low. Actually, if I’m honest, I’m not surprised. Christopher has a way of railroading me into doing what he wants me to do. This time he took the wrong route . . . I won’t be bullied with scare tactics. If he wants to sleep with someone else, he can go ahead.

I won’t be here to pick up the pieces.

“Grumps,” I hear him call from downstairs.