I shook my head. There was no point in messing around. I'm much more than just a serious word. I wasn't joking.

I said, "Everything is wrong. We shouldn't have done it. It's really very wrong, Adam. We've only just met after a dozen years apart."

"I know, but I didn't force you. You came to me, and you kissed me first. I was obviously shocked, but I didn't resist because..." Adam immediately fell silent. He gulped and looked quite hesitant, his lips twitching. "Because I love you."

That unexpected phrase came so suddenly and shook me so much. But, I made sure to keep my composure, I was good at it in front of the camera, it should be just as easy in front of Adam.

"This is wrong, Adam. Everything that's happening seems wrong."

"Nothing is wrong. I've always liked you, but I thought we were too young to know what love was. I thought my love for you was just young love, that would go away as time went on, as we grew up." Adam said something I would never have believed came out of his mouth. I didn't know what to say, making Adam feel like he had the time to keep saying what he wanted to say to me. I couldn't stop him.

"Then, everything changed when you and your parents moved out. The sadness hit me hard. I was even upset and angry that you moved away. I missed you, Nellie. I thought about you all the time. You were the only one in my mind. Even when I became a teenager, your image wouldn't go away." There was a pause, Adam seemed to be taking a deep breath. "That's when I realized, truly realized, that I already loved you. All I ever wanted was to play with you. You were funny, beautiful, and so adorable, I wanted to make you laugh all day long. That's all I've thought about since I was little, Nellie. You, only you. The one and only."

Really, I don't know what to say. My mind was blank. The more I searched and poked my head, the more blurred the words became. And damn it, I couldn't catch them. All I could do was stare at Adam. That was it.

"I denied it once, Nellie." Adam continued. I was actually afraid that the more Adam talked about his feelings for me, the more the problem would grow and become unmanageable.

I was still a statue.

"Yes, I've told myself that I don't love you, I've said it over and over again, in the middle of the night, in front of the mirror, and to the heavens. But, I couldn't. No matter how hard I denied it, I couldn't lie to myself. My feelings for you just swelled even wider. That's the point."

Adam then looked down. "What I'm about to say must obviously come as a shock to you, I fully realize that, but I just want to be honest, while you're here, and while we can still see each other. I don't know when I'll see you again, do I? So I thought I should say it now, while I can."

There was a lot that Adam wanted to say. I merely knew that. The look on his face was obvious. It was obvious that there were not a few words that he was going to tell me.

"I didn't just stay silent, Nellie. That's what you should know. I went on several dates just to get over you. It's ironic, it even sounds too evil for me to do that."

"Did it work?" For the first time in a long time, I made a sound. The silence from earlier was smothering my mouth. In fact, the sentence came out on its own. It came so suddenly, without my realizing it.

Adam laughed in response to my words, which drew a response from my furrowed brow.

"Everything failed, Nellie. Yes, nothing works. Even when I'm with a woman, whether it's my blind date or my girlfriend, there's only one thing on my mind, and that's you."

My eyes blinked fully.

"This may sound like bullshit, but you should know that I couldn't possibly be lying to you. I'm really in love with you, Nellie. Ever since we first met, you've been my true love. Perhaps we were meant to be together all along, ever since I helped you out of the ditch when you fell off your bike."

"Do you still remember that incident?"

"Everything about you I can always remember."

What Adam just said was true. That was the first time I met him. He helped me, who was stuck in the ditch. I even cried at that time, and he calmed me down. I remember that I cried, not because my body was injured from falling. It wasn't because my bike was scuffed, it was because I was upset and very sad that my new clothes that my grandma had just bought me were dirty with mud. Adam was so kind, I stopped crying because of him. Adam even shared his wheat biscuits with me at that time. Then he drove me home, which happened to be not far from his house.

Adam was my hero at that time, he even helped me explain to my father what had happened. Since then, me and him have been friends. We always spent time together. We always played and laughed. He shared his happiness with me. And vice versa. We got closer, our parents even started to recognize each other. We weren't neighbors back then. Our houses weren't far away, but it still took time to get there. Adam always picked me up at home by bike, sometimes I came to his house first. All day we played together—in the park, in the garden, in any place that we thought was fun to play.

And from then on, I really liked Adam. I liked how he treated me well and was very considerate. In fact, compared to my boyfriend, Adam is more like my brother. It made a lot more sense to see how he treated me. But, Adam saw me differently. He loved me. And now that feeling is still there, dwelling and growing. That's what he told me just now.

Actually, there are many stories and exciting things I could tell you about my childhood with Adam. At another time and opportunity, maybe you will hear about it. Either from me or Adam.

"I was so sad when you moved out, Nellie. I remember so well, I even got angry with my mom. That excuse sounds so silly, doesn't it? I stopped talking to her. Your leaving hurt me. And since then, I've always missed you. I've always thought about you. And what hurt even more was the fact that you and I lost touch. Giving up—that's what I did. I thought I would never see you again. The hope was really very slim. I didn't know your number, I couldn't even find your social media accounts. I didn't know what to do to see you again."

The more words Adam explained to me, the more fear awaited me. I felt that I had heard enough of Adam's explanation, which to me was clear to the core of the matter, but on the other hand, I felt the need to hear things or facts that he might not have revealed.

"Then, one day last year, I saw you on television. I couldn't believe it. I was just idly watching television because I was so bored, It was such a coincidence that I couldn't believe it. I even stood up immediately and approached the television to see you. I thought I was crazy or imagining things, but it was so real. It was indeed you. I was so happy. You're so famous now, I'm speechless. Seeing you again, even if it's through the screen, feels like a miracle, Nellie. It makes me have hope again that I can still meet you."

Adam then stood up. I didn't know what he was doing, until everything became clearer when he sat down next to me. We were very close, and this made my heart beat very fast.

"Ever since I saw you on television, I've been so happy. I tried to contact you again, and I've found your social media accounts, which are followed by millions of your fans. But, of course, I'm too passionate. I had trouble contacting you. You're famous now, you must be very busy. So, my messages must not have reached you. They didn't get through."

"I didn't know that."

"Forget it. I realize that being optimistic is not enough. I couldn't wait for you to reply to my messages, while many of your fans must have done the same. I failed again, but this time I didn't give up. At least I already knew who you were and could see you easily through the internet. The media is talking about you a lot. I'm happy for you, Nellie. Really, you did well. Your dreams from childhood have been fulfilled. Since a long time ago, I really believed that you would be successful, you have a golden voice, you will be a great singer, and look at how you are today."

When we met at the bar, Adam had praised me a lot about this. And I felt embarrassed that he was bringing it up again here. All I could do was smile awkwardly.

"One year has passed, and I haven't been able to meet you. It also occurred to me that seeing you through the media was enough. The important thing is that I know what you look like now. But still, there are days when we should meet and talk." Adam positioned himself to sit closer to me. "Then, all of a sudden, it happened, it was as if God saw my deep sorrow for a dozen years, which made my wish finally come true. I was in the mood for a drink at the bar, it had been a while since I'd been there, and that's where we met. You were there too, alone, like me. Again, I thought I saw something wrong or that I was drunk. But I hadn't even had anything to drink, so being drunk didn't seem right, so I finally got up the courage to approach you, and sure enough, there you were. I can't believe it happened, you know? It was like a dream I'd been holding onto for a dozen years that finally surfaced, and then exploded."

"Oh, Adam..." I swallowed. What he had just described made me feel sad and guilty at the same time.

But, what should I do now?

I don't know.

I haven't found the right answer yet. And what do you think I should do?