"I really love you, Nellie. When you suddenly kissed me at the bar at that time, that's when I felt... I felt like you loved me too. Plus, we slept together after that." Adam was silent for a moment. He shook his head. "But I don't think so, I was just thinking what I was thinking, especially when I didn't have you next to me when I woke up, so it seemed very clear that you didn't want me, you didn't love me. I know, I'm self-aware. I'm saying all this just because I want you to know that I love you. That's all."

"I'm so sorry that I just ran away from you, Adam. I just felt confused. I shouldn't have done that to you. This can't be allowed."

"In short, you don't love me. Just say that to make things clear. I'm not wrong, am I?"

"It's not like that."

"There's no shame in telling me. I know, you wouldn't date a guy like me. You're a big star, while I'm just a regular guy and too simple for you. Yeah, I totally understand."

"Please listen to me first, I haven't finished explaining it to you yet."

"Your reputation is much more important, I totally understand. The media would be in an uproar if a beautiful, talented girl and a famous singer like you were dating me. I know my position. Just one thing, I just want you to know that I love you."

"No, I love you too. But—"

"There's no love if there's a but attached to it." Adam cut me off, which actually made sense.

I swallowed. "I love you because you were my friend when we were kids. We were always together, but it's been a dozen years since we met. I still have that memory neatly stored in my head. I just don't know why we kissed and then slept together. This is what makes me unable to think logically. I'm ashamed of myself."

"You shouldn't be ashamed. Now, what do you want? I will try to understand your position."

"I'm not sure. I'm sorry for what I've done. I was bad, I let you down. I feel like what we did was a mistake."

"Because we are friends?"

"I don't want our relationship to be strained if we end up going our separate ways after dating."

Adam knitted his eyebrows. "Why are you already thinking that way when we haven't even started yet?"

"I think it's better to prevent bad things. It's hard to find a solution if it's already happened."

Adam's face looked dissatisfied with my answer. I thought for a moment that he would continue to say something back to me. Meanwhile, my head was already confused about what else to say. I realized that this was unfair to him. Adam was always thinking about me, he loved me. Then suddenly I showed up, kissed him, slept with him, and then I just left. Adam was obviously wondering, while I didn't know what was wrong with me.

It's been more than a week since we slept together. And it was only today that I decided to see him again, and that was because I talked to Nick about this matter. If not, it looks like I won't see Adam again, I'm back to disappearing and making him feel bad.

"I see." Adam then stood up, and left. I didn't know where he was going. I just watched him without asking.

It wasn't long before Adam was back. I could see he was carrying my heels. I gasped softly.

Adam put mine on the table. "These are your heels that you left at the hotel," he said.

"Thanks." I picked up my heels, just to touch them. "I didn't think you'd bring my heels home."

"I wouldn't leave it at the hotel. I don't think it's cheap either."

I nodded. "Thank you, Adam. That's very kind of you. I'm sure you'll find the right woman for you. Trust me."

Adam laughed at my words. I didn't understand.

"You think so?" he asked.

"Pretty sure." I nodded firmly.

Adam gave me a lopsided smile. "It feels weird."

I really didn't understand what Adam was talking about. He was confusing me. But, instead of asking, I kept quiet because I was sure he would explain it to me.

"Hearing you say that seems a bit ridiculous. All I want is you, you already know that. But it's okay, forget it."

I was wrong, I didn't want to hurt Adam any further. I felt bad. I'm so bad. This has to be resolved.

"You know that I can't. It's too complicated. I know you, but technically, I don't know you. We haven't seen each other for a dozen years. You know that's not a lot of time."

"Then why did you kiss me and sleep with me? What was the reason?"

I stammered. My mouth opened and closed. I was like a fish taken from a pond and left out in the open air. I shook my head, then looked down. "I don't know."

Adam snorted softly.

"I really don't know what's wrong with me." I emphasized. I emphasized my words so Adam would understand. "You know what? I know this doesn't sound fair to you, but I—"

"It is very unfair. I thought about you all the time, all those years, I wanted to see you. Then, when it happened, you made me fall even more in love with your crazy kisses and sex. There's no way I can forget you, Nellie. Unless I hit my head and lose my memory. Or maybe that's what you want?"

I shook my head vigorously. "Please, don't say silly things. I know, but listen to me first. I haven't explained anything yet."

It looked like Adam was going to comply. He immediately fell silent, and his gaze remained straight at me.

Realizing I had a chance to say more, I didn't waste it. "I didn't even know what was wrong with me when I met you at the bar last week. I think I was drunk. Not to mention, you looked cool and hot. I don't know what I was thinking." I pressed my lips together for three seconds. "Look, I don't want to love you unwillingly just to fulfill your request. I don't want to get you hurt. If I did that, it wouldn't be fair to you. I want you to have full love, no hesitation, and no half measures. And I can't give you that. I really apologize to you. I'm sorry that I've made you this way. I don't know what else to do. I hope you understand."

Adam was silent for a long time. It felt like things had turned awkward.

I realized that I needed to say something. "We can still be friends, we can still be in touch." I then took a card from my bag. "Here, take it. You can contact me through this number. We can go out together once in a while. We'll definitely meet again sometime. I don't want to lose contact with you again."

"That just makes it harder for me to forget you."

I blinked my eyes. "You want to forget me?"

Adam shook his head and wiped his face. "That's not what I meant. I'm hesitant to stop loving you if we still meet and keep in touch."

"Then what do you want? You want us to lose touch again? You want to stay away from me? Isn't seeing me something you've wanted for a long time? That's what you told me."

"I don't know. I need time to think and digest all this."

"Alright, I won't force you." I then got up from my seat. I don't know what I need to say anymore. For me, it was enough, I also had business after this. "I think I should go now."

Adam nodded. "I won't stop you. Go ahead, don't forget to bring your heels."

"Thank you again." I immediately took my heels. Then I looked at Adam once again. This time, it was quite long. He returned my gaze. I swallowed. I knew I was hurting him. But, what should I do? I still doubted myself, I couldn't love Adam the way he wanted while I couldn't do it unwillingly. It would hurt Adam even more. And I don't want that to happen.

Before I really left his house, I said again, "I'm sorry if anything I said hurt you. I also need to think about this. I think we really need to be alone and think about us."

"I think that's a good idea. I'm sorry too, I was too emotional."

I shook my hand. "It's fine."

"You're right, we did know each other. But our time apart is much bigger than the times we played together when we were kids. So you're absolutely right that we don't really know each other."

"We can still do that. We'll make up for lost time. We'll make up for it. We can still meet at other times. Let's make a schedule to meet often. What do you think?"

Adam smiled. Seeing him made me feel more relieved and lighter.

"We can do it," he replied.

I smiled too. I pointed at the door. "I have to go now."

I turned around. I was already stepping towards the door when Adam called out to me. I turned my body around again, and now Adam was standing and approaching me.

"Congratulations on your successful new single. I've heard it, and I really like it. I'm sure you're even more famous now. Your achievement is really quite remarkable. I'm very happy for you."

I moved the corners of my lips quickly upwards. "Bye, Adam." I opened the door and stepped out of the simple and cozy house. I quickly walked away at a brisk pace.

Then, the next day, something suddenly surprised me. And this made things even more complicated.