The sky was clouded, weeping rain onto the earth as I fell on the wet grass, crying. I could still remember what had happened just a while ago and what happened before.

I had never felt beautiful. Not even once.

Since I was little, I’d convinced myself it was because I wasn’t enough. Not thin enough. Not graceful enough. Not good enough for my own mother to stay.

She left when I was seven. She left without a goodbye, without a second look back at me or Dad. For years I told myself it was because of me. Maybe I was too clingy, too loud, too fat. Maybe every time she saw me she thought I was just a mistake.

The thought never left me. It stayed with me like a shadow, whispering every time I looked in a mirror. My reflection was always my enemy.

And tonight, all of it felt heavier as memories keep flooding me.

Earlier that day, I heard my father yelling at her again. They were arguing—like always. It wasn’t new to me. They had been at each other’s throats for as long as I could remember. Sometimes, they managed to find peace, but most days, their voices clashed like enemies at war.

But today… Today felt different. The air was heavy with dread, and even as a child, I could feel it in my bones.

The fear made me stay in my room, silent. I had learned at a very young age that when my parents fought, I should never interfere. If I ever did, my mother’s harsh words would always cut me down.

And no one else ever tried to step in either. After all, my father was the Alpha of the pack—no one dared to meddle in his family matters.

“Cecilia, what do you mean you are leaving?” Dad’s voice thundered, and I heard his footsteps heading downstairs along with my mother’s. My heart lurched as a loud thump echoed through the house.

I couldn’t resist so I peeked my head out of my room just in time to see her standing there with her luggage. My breath caught.

Was she really leaving? Without me? She can’t… She just can’t!

Panic rushed through me as I bolted down the stairs after them.

“Mom…mom!” I shouted to get her attention.

Dad turned around with a strained smile.

“Honey, please go back to your room, okay?” He said sweetly to me.

I looked up at him confused.

“But dad, why is mum with her luggage? Is she leaving us?” I asked partially curious but mostly scared.

Dad opened his mouth to reply but mom beat him to it.

“Shut up and listen to instructions,” she hissed at me, her eyes filled with so much hatred.

Mom was always harsh on me but it has never been so intense as the look she was giving me now. Dad turned back to her with a new glare settled on his face.

“Don’t talk to her like that Cecilia!” he growled at her.

“Oh shut up, Leon! It’s because of you she is like this. Look at her!” her stares bore me from head to toe disgustingly. “She is a pig. Look how fat she is. I kept telling you to put her on a diet but no. You had to spoil her like the brat she is. I have a fool for a husband and a pig for a daughter. What a wonderful combination.” She laughed mockingly.

My eyes poured out tears as all her hurtful words rained on me. I felt ashamed of myself, it was because of me Mom was leaving. I slowly moved to hold her fingers that I could reach, I looked up at her with tears filled eyes.

“Mom, I’m sorry. I will not be a pig anymore ,I promise. I will be a good girl, I love you Mom please don’t go,” I begged

She shook me off her with a strength that pushed me to the ground.

“Hell no... I had enough with the both of you. I don’t love you, I never did!” She spit at me.

Dad growled so loudly it shook the house. Mom retreated fearfully.

“Get out of my house, you are not worthy of us. I regret ever choosing you. Leave now and if I ever see you again, I will shred you to pieces,” he said.

His eyes were already changing its color and his hair slowly emitted from his body. He was close to shifting.

Mom smiled.

“Gladly!” she said as she rolled her bags out of the house.

I ran after her but my tiny legs were too slow, before I could get to her she was already settled in her car and zoomed off.

I cried bitterly as I fell to the grassy floor.

“I’m sorry Mom... I’m sorry…“ I kept murmuring as though it would bring her back.

Just then rain was released on me as with no end to its outpouring and my tears.

It kept replaying in my head like a wound that wouldn’t close.

I stood up and ran all the way back home and I was so grateful that dad wasn’t home. I ran to my room, and by some miracle, Dad wasn’t there. I stumbled into my room, slammed the door shut, and slid down against it, sobs tearing out of me until my chest would break open.

I dragged myself to the mirror across my room. I shouldn’t have looked—but I did.

Why me? Why did everyone hate me? Why did mom leave? …It’s all because of me. It’s all my fault! Why did I have to be born like this? I had fats all over. My breast was too full, my ass was rounded and robust and I had rolls on my stomach. The only place the fat didn’t affect was my arms which were slightly slimmer than the rest of me. I was ugly and disgusting.

The girl staring back at me was hideous. Full breasts. Rounded hips. A soft stomach. Not sleek or delicate like the other girls. Just… too much.

I pressed my hand to the glass and whispered, “No wonder she left.”

And somewhere deep inside, a seed of pain rooted itself—a seed that would grow with me… something I would never escape.

My vision became blurred. I turned away, and desperate for anything to numb it all. That was when I saw it—on my desk and saw something glitter in the dark, so I moved to take it. It was the new blade I had gotten for my pencil.

My hand shook as I picked it up. The metal felt cool against my skin.

Maybe this would help. Maybe it would quiet everything inside me, just for a while.

I slowly brought it up to my thighs and gave a short straight cut and I felt the pinching pain as it took my mind off the disaster that happened tonight.

So I did it again and again, each cut getting longer and slightly deeper. I sighed.

Only I was beautiful enough…