The last few months have been hell. I kept playing her song over and over again for hours. It was the only thing I had of her, the only thing giving me joy. Thank fuck for AirPods and my ability to pretend because Janie had started trying to control even that until I yelled at her so loudly, she almost fell back from the force.

I think I saw real fear in her eyes that day. I’m not sure if she was afraid of me hitting her, something I’d never done, or if she’d realized something ...