At my stricken look, Van stood up. "Stay here and eat. I'll go talk to him," he said with what sounded like frustration.

I was too upset to answer. I should be the one going after Joel. What could I say? Nothing. I'd told Van the truth. It didn't take away from my feelings for Joel, but there was no way to explain it. I knew both brothers intimately now. There was no comparison between the two. Joel was it for me and I'd completely fucked it up.

My food arrived. My ...