Chapter 4: Bold Disaster

Ana's Point of View

There is one thing I have never been good at, and that is acting like a meek, obedient nun-in-training.

I believe that the most appropriate term to describe Sister Ana is bold disaster, not the typical quiet, innocent atmosphere that everyone anticipates of a person in this place. That is why Madre Rosa never really liked me, and perhaps why Sister Agnes is so much in my case like I am a time bomb.

It might also be that I had fallen into this place one rainy night, cold and bleeding, and with no idea of who I was--just like a lost soul entering a church.

Who would not suspect that? Certainly not Agnes.

"We need to call the man."

I folded my hands together and looked at Madre Rosa, like she had just proposed that we begin a clandestine underground operation with the mafia. She was so trusting, so unnerving, to a person who had spent years teaching discipline.

I think that is a terrible thought, I said, with all due respect, and I kept my voice steady, though I was shaking inside. It must be something of a message of some kind of a divine, I said to myself, with a tinge of disbelief. But to believe anything of him is like giving us our graves.

She wore her glasses and scowled. "How so?"

First, that man killed Father Andrew. It is he who made us leave our old place. He is the one who made dozens of children, and you want to be helped by him?

Madre Rosa was calm, too calm. "We don't know that for sure."

I let out a short, bitter laugh. "Oh, sure. Maybe he was just standing around, handing out bottles of water as his men burnt all we had?

She sighed. Ana, we should give people an opportunity to--

And what are the odds that by accepting his offer we do not find ourselves six feet under? What should this be all a part of his plan? Mafia men do not simply give things away. They take. They kill. They destroy. They could sell us off!" I threw my hands up. "Or worse!"

Madre Rosa sighed again. And what, then, is worse than being sold?

I do not know, but I am sure they have plenty of dark ideas.

We are called as Christians to see the good in people, even those who have done horrible things. Who will give them an opportunity to change, unless we do?

I narrowed my eyes. Mom, it is not an after-school rehabilitation program. This is the mafia. The ones that cause people to vanish like bad debts? I scoffed. You can not reform them with a free building!

But what should they do in case this is their attempt? she countered.

I was massaging my temples, and I was growing more and more irritated. That man is not in search of redemption, that is all due respect. He wants something, and whatever it is, it cannot be good.

Madre Rosa sat back, with a cunning expression. Why do you speak as you know him?

I froze.

Why did I sound like I knew him? Perhaps it was because only last night that same man had been gazing at me as though he were gradually stripping me of all my sanity, and of my garments.

Oh God. He will take me to hell itself, should I be anywhere near him!

"Ana?"

I swallowed, embarrassed, and wished she had not overheard me think such evil things. Naturally, I do not know him, I do not know him well enough to judge. I’m just— looking out for us. I would not wish Maeve or any of the other children to be ill. My mother told me--cartel men, and the Italians in particular... They are dangerous.

She had no time to answer when the door was knocked.

Sister Agnes peeped in, and looked at Madre Rosa as though I were not present at all. "People from the Parish, Madre. They want to speak with you."

I looked at Madre Rosa who was lifting her chair. She smoothed her habit and looked at me in a way that made it plain that this conversation was not finished.

I will talk to them, I said, and, to my surprise, and to yours, I added, Ana, come with me. She did not wait to hear me out and began to walk out of the door.

I forced a tight smile. "I’d rather not."

Agnes, my personal tormentor, scoffed. "Of course, you wouldn't. Rebellious as the fallen angel, thou artful--

I looked at her and I did not want to create a scene in front of Madre Rosa. I turned and walked after her, without first having looked down on Agnes with contempt.

You ought to be more careful of your tone, I tell you, you should, I tell you, said Agnes. Talking to Madre Rosa like that--

Sweet, spare me the lecture, I said. "Sister of the Year."

Agnes scoffed again. It is funny that you feign to care about this place when you always come and destroy us. From the moment you walked in—"

I clenched my teeth and looked away at her. I had over the years learned to block out the noise. It was a long-standing practice--separate your mind, and the pain disappears.

As we arrived at the door of the office of Madre Rosa, I was standing at the door as she opened to welcome her guests. Then the door was opened, and the men in habits came out.

I will have your answer before 6 p.m. to-morrow! His words echoed in my head.

I looked at the big clock over the door. It was 5:47 p.m. I had deliberately procrastinated prior to my meeting with Madre Rosa, not telling her that he had set me a deadline. The door was opened and Madre Rosa called me by name. I wanted him to take the hint and go.

Minutes passed.

There was bad news and good news, you said. I did not make a step, even feigning to be listening to them as they walked to their car.

I was just going to go, when one of them put up his hand. I turned and looked at Agnes, who glared at me, hesitated a moment, and walked in.

She made no reply, not even a glance. She simply indicated the file on the table. I crept up slowly and opened it.

My stomach sank.

A formal eviction notice.

Effective immediately.

We must go, I said, holding on to the edge of the table.

Madre Rosa was rubbing her temples as though the world were on her shoulders. "Ana, I don’t know what to do."

I swallowed hard. "And the meeting? What did they want?"

She gestured to the chair. "You’ll see."

After a moment the door was opened once more, and the men of the previous walk came in.

I moaned, attempting to assimilate what I had just heard.

"Stay."

I blinked, confused. "Excuse me?"

He looked at me and Agnes. "Which of you is Sister Ana?"

I was hesitant and Madre Rosa pointed at me.

"This is her."

The man nodded. "Good. You’ll want to hear this, too."

The two men stared at one another in confusion, and Madre Rosa raised an eyebrow as though he did not know whether I was in a spiritual meltdown or just an overwrought imagination. I immediately thought that they had found out that I had sneaked out to meet a man in an empty place. I thought the second thing was that they had planted a secret camera in my room and caught all of it--all of it with Leo.

My cheeks burned. Oh, God. This was a nightmare.

I am very sorry, I said, and my voice shook. "It was the devil!"

They looked at me pityingly, or, maybe, disbelievingly, and shook their heads. They waited till I could explain, and the words got stuck in my throat.

What do you mean by that, the grim-looking fellow said, evidently not knowing whether I was making a confession or merely losing my head.

I looked between them, and prayed that the floor would open and swallow me up. “I… I know I’m in trouble. I didn’t mean to…” The vows I had rehearsed in my mind a thousand times were on a loop.

A sister should never be engaged with a man...

A sister must never lie…

Madre Rosa struck the table with her hand, a sharp, but decisive gesture that startled me so violently I almost jumped out of my skin.

I also want to remind you, sister Ana, that you should not forget who you are in Christ. The man nodded and his eyes were hard.

Until this meeting is finished, Ana, you will not speak unless addressed. Understand?"

I nodded, nearly too fast, my body stiff with the tension I felt.

Good, she said, and turned to the men. “Apologies for the interruption. Ana was a sheltered child. She becomes... shy with people.

The men looked at me, and I could only guess what I looked like--a woman taken or a deer in Headlights. Well, Madre Rosa, we will talk about it.

Madre Rosa leaned forward. The man gazed at his workmate.

The man nodded. Well, Madre Rosa, we will talk about it.

"Let’s hear the bad news."

I braced myself.

The man tapped the eviction letter and said, This property. Everything is completed by the new owner. You have less than a week to move out.

I couldn’t breathe. This shelter was all to me. It was my lifeline. And how were they to expect us to get a new home in less than a week?

"Sold?" Madre Rosa said, with a disbelieving tone.

"Paid in full," the man replied. The new owner desires to start renovations at once.

The room was heavy and oppressive in silence. "And the good news?"

And would his offer save us? Somebody has volunteered to give you a new home--at no cost.

My jaw dropped. "Anonymous?"

Madre Rosa blinked. "Someone is offering to help?"

“Yes,” the man replied. "But there’s a catch."

My heart skipped a beat.

The donor did not leave any contact information, he said, but there is one condition. Should you wish to accept, there is one here who knows how to get in touch with him.

I screamed, and I had a high voice.

Finally, Madre Rosa spoke. "Who?"

The man met her gaze. "Sister Ana."

Everything went still. The attention was on me and I could not breathe.

The man’s tone grew serious. Would his offer save us? We hope that this is not a gesture connected to any personal or carnal relationship.

I felt my body shaking. "Far from it, sir!" The lines struck me as a ton of bricks. “I’ve only met him once. He… he liked what we did here. I guess that’s why he offered.”

A sister must never lie…

The lines sounded like a ton of bricks. Accept it and the church will keep a close eye on the project.

The lines struck me as a ton of bricks.

The men stood up. “We’ll expect an answer soon. But beware--the church cannot put any more money into this shelter. The last… situation cost too much.”

My hands shook behind me.

Otherwise, we will close this shelter forever, the man said, and you will not accept the offer.

Would his offer save us?

The room felt colder than ice. Could this be the end? Would we lose everything?

Could I trust Leo? Would his offer really save us?

I had no idea what to do.