Lyla

I adjust the pillow under Miss Rosenthal's head one last time, then quietly exit the dimly lit room. She is my last patient of the day and I for one, cannot wait until I can get out of here.

Walking over to Ben, I hand him the chart from Miss Rosenthal's room and lean against the wall while he reads it over and signs off on her checklist.

"You look drained Ly. You doing okay?"

"Oh yeah, you know me. After being yelled at by Miss Rosenthal and being told that I am incompetent and brainless, I get to now go to her family that has already tried throwing a chair at me because apparently, no one had told them about her needing to stay the night here after her stroke."

"Hang in there. I know it's a busy night for us, but if it weren't can you imagine all the boredom you would feel right now?" Ben chuckles and I swear he is about ten seconds away from me grabbing his fancy expensive pen and stabbing him in his jugular.

"Hardy har har, you're developing a personality in your old age Doc. Could it be that your new little surgeon you're going study with has given you the power of humor?"

Ben Toring has been not only one of the best bosses to work for, he's also a loyal friend. Although he had a thing for Candice for a while, something that was quickly squashed when Austin entered her life, the moment Marley Sun was transferred over from Maine, he fell head over heels. They have been dating for a while now and since she gets called down here in the ER often enough, we have gotten to know her as well. I'm not her biggest fan, but I won't stand in Ben's way. He found his happily ever after, even if she is a banshee. Ben is like a big brother to me and the moment he tells me he needs saving, I will be his Xena, warrior princess.

"Hey, I have always had a personality."

"Yeah, the personality of a slug." I take the chart from him and give him a wink before walking over to the family waiting room.

Miss Rosenthal was admitted late last night when I first came in and after being observed by Ben, was diagnosed with a stroke. She's young, only fifty-two but has extremely high cholesterol. Waiting for her has been her husband and two daughters. They have come and gone over the last several hours and I for one, cannot wait to give them the good news of her recovery.

"Hey ya'll. So, I just got all the info back from the doctor. Looks like Emily will be in here at least a few more days. Ya'll can come in and visit her one at a time, until she is moved into a room. She was asking for you first sir, so we will let you in now."

"But, she's going to be alright?" The youngest daughter asks. They had given me their names when I first spoke with them but it's always hard to remember in the heat of panic and dismay.

"Yes, Dr. Toring believes she will make a quick recovery. She's already yelling at us about how we are not fluffing her pillows correctly, so I assure you, she's at her usual self."

The family chuckles and lets out a breath of much needed air. I can understand the need to be in the room when a family member comes in the way there's did. Adrianna was born with an extremely weak immune system and unfortunately that meant sleepless nights in a hospital with only me by her side. Before I was a nurse I was the parent screaming that I needed to be let in the room with my baby.

"I'll have Lidia come and get ya'll as soon as she is transferred into a room. Until then, Damion, if you want to follow me, I'll show you where your wife is." Damion kisses his two daughters with promises that he will be back as soon as he can to collect them.

I show him to his wife's room and watch their interaction the moment she opens her eyes and sees him. I don't know much about my patients, they are never with us long until we must unfortunately make room for another one in dire need, but I can tell this family is close. Pain radiates through my heart at the fact that I thought I had that with Shane. He was perfect for me, but not for my secrets.

I head to the nurse's station and collapse onto my chair. It's nearly four and I am off soon but my feet can't seem to communicate that with the rest of my body. I watch as Candice comes in for her shift and smiles at everyone as she walks by. It's amazing how much my best friend has changed since the day she first started working here. She was a shy, meager person who is now a confident woman. I can say for sure that is due because of that enormous rock found on her finger that Austin Stone has put there.

"Lyla, I found the cutest reception area." She says, sitting down with what I'm sure is her tenth cup of coffee for the day. Personally, I don't like the stuff but with Adrianna wanting to do more and more each day, I am seriously thinking about investing.

"Oh yeah? Where is it?" I say sitting up.

Guilt guts me when I think of her doing most of this alone. I am her maid of honor, something she has assures me is a title I don't need to do anything with, but still. I should be helping her look for venues and shopping. I should help her pick out her dress and go to some cake tastings. Instead I am worrying about what Rory could be planning and how I might lose my daughter to the scum bag of the year.

"It's in Central Park."

"Whoa, honey are you sure you want to do a winter wedding in central park?"

"Why not? It will be perfect. I want something outside and I've checked the weather around that day, no snow, just a little twinkle of white aligning the sky as we say our I do's."

I narrow my eyes at the fact that my best friend sounds like a greeting card."

"You already booked it didn't you?"

"What? Me? I would never." She begins looking anywhere else than at me and shuffling papers on my desk that didn't need shuffling.

"Honey, you do remember that I can read people very well. Like for instance, I know Austin won't care where he marries you, as long as he does it. Why are you afraid of telling him?"

Candice blows out a breath and leans her neck back so that her gaze is towards the ceiling. Our most recent arts and crafts hang from the top from the local elementary school that had taken a tour a few weeks ago.

"It's not the cheapest place to have a wedding. I went with Julia and she and I fell in love. She said the same thing as you. That Austin wouldn't care, but I feel guilty booking it without him. Is it weird that I want him to be a part of every decision? He's been so busy with the club and everything happening with them that he hasn't been home much, and we planned on getting married in just a few short months."

Candice looks down at her finger and begins playing with her engagement ring. Poor thing. She must be stressed with wedding plans and hating that she and Austin don't have this special time in her life to enjoy this together. Candice is not the kind of girl to care where she is or how many people, she's not interested in cakes or which song she will walk down the aisle to, she just wants to be with Austin.

"Candy, you have to make sure this is what you want." She looks up in devastation and I raise my palm to stop the inevitable defense I know she is about to give me. "Not about Austin honey. I'm talking about this whole wedding thing. I think you've been so stressed with everything, that you're not focused on what you and Austin want. Your mom and his mom are a great help, but make sure they aren't controlling the dream you had. I remember when the two of you just wanted a simple wedding at the compound."

Candice looks over at me with tears glistening in her eyes. I hope I didn't make everything worse, but I'm her best friend and none of this sounds like something Candice would want. She's a lot like me, give me a pretty dress with some cowboy boots and a backyard barbeque, and I'm a happy girl. Candy would be satisfied if this was at the clubhouse with all her close family and friends surrounding them.

"I guess I am a little overwhelmed with everything. I'm excited to marry him, but part of me feels like maybe we should wait. Everything going on right now with the club and here I am acting like a spoiled brat planning her wedding." Candice pulls some lose hair behind her ear and I stand up and walk over to her.

"Candy, I think it's a perfect time to plan this wedding." I say leaning down to her level. "I know you feel selfish but the reason it's a good time, is because it's a happy time. With all the stress the club feels, it will all be worth it when they get to see their president marry the girl he probably can't shut up about." I smile when she giggles and wipes some tears from her cheeks.

"Maybe you're right. I've been so emotional lately, I'm not sure if it's the wedding or the stress of everything happening."

I don't know too much about club business. Since Shane and I split, they obviously haven't kept me included in their business, but I was there after Candice and Shawna had been attacked a few months ago. If it's anything like that, then it can't be good. Still, I stand by what I said before, a wedding just may be what everyone needs.

"Anyways, we need to go dress shopping for you girls soon."

"Anytime you want honey. Say the word and I'll be there." I flash her a smile and she matches it.

When Candice told me about her wedding party I was partly relieved and partly disappointed I wouldn't be walking with Shane. Since I am the maid of honor and Max is the best man, we will walk together. It made sense, but an annoying part of me wondered if maybe Shane told her he didn't want to walk with me. It doesn't sound like something Shane would do, but still, the niggling doubt came into my mind and hasn't yet left.

"Have you talked to Austin about whether or not they will be in a Tux?" Candice giggles and I join in on her. I for one would want them in tux's just so I have the image in mind anytime I might need to conjure it up. Once the reception starts they can always put their cuts on.

Imagining Shane is a tux is doing things to my body, so I quickly stand up and head back over to my chair.

"Whoa, someone is being thought of today." Candice says from the side of me. I look up a her, but her eyes aren't on me, they are on Ben, whom is coming right towards me with a large bouquet of white lilies.

"Delivery for Lyla." Ben chuckles at his own joke as he places the large round glass vase down on my desk.

"These are for me?" I ask already feeling faint as I stare at the flowers that are already bringing back memories of a past I wish to forget.

"Yeah, just got delivered."

"Weird that there's no note, do you know who could have sent them Lyla?"

I hear both Ben and Lyla speaking to me, but I can't answer ether one of them. Images from my past are showing up in glimpses.

The night everything went downhill, and I left

The many times I thought about leaving

The moment he found out about the restraining order

All the images flash around in my head over and over again and I shut my eyes only to have them continue their onslaught in the darkness. He sent them to me again. He knows where I work and is playing with me. He has the control right now.

"Lyla are you alright?" Ben asks but before I can answer him, Candice reaches over and plucks something out of the bouquet.

"Oh, there was a note. Here you go Lyla." I grab the note from her hands not caring about my sudden obscured behavior and flip it over in hopes that someone else sent me the flowers. Maybe Shane is sorry for how he spoke to me and happened to send me the same exact bouquet as I got while in Texas.

How I have missed you

"Lyla?"

"I have to go, Adrianna needs to be picked up." I grab my purse and jacket, ignoring Lyla and Ben's questions and concerns, and run straight out of the building and to my car.

ùùù

My hands tremble as I place my car into the parking position. My phone has been ringing since I left work, but I have ignored it. I know it's most likely Candice or Ben checking on me, but I don't have it in me to tell them I'm alright. I don't have it in me to lie.

I take a few dozen much needed breaths and pull my vizor down to look at my reflection in the tiny rectangular mirror above me. Once I wipe off the mess of my mascara and finger through my crow's nest hair, I turn the car off and head next door to retrieve Adrianna.

"Lyla, come on in and I'll go and grab Adrianna. She was playing with the dollhouse last I checked." I smile a fake smile at Nancy, one of the two preschool teachers here, watching my surroundings as I walk along with her.

Adrianna started preschool a few weeks ago. With Lisa's job expanding and needing her in the office more and more, we were happy to find a preschool close to both our jobs and our home.

"Mommy?" Adrianna calls out from the back of the room and my heart that has been beating triple the normal amount since I getting those flowers finally settles beneath my ribs.

"Hey love bug. Ready to go?"

"But I was playing with the dollhouse? Why do we have to go so soon?"

I smile at Nancy, catching the way she is eyeing me up and down. I'm sure I look like a panicked mess but if Rory knows where I work, then he knows where Lisa and I drop Adrianna off. He's already been by the house to hand deliver a threat.

"I know sweetheart, but I thought we could go to that park of yours that ya like so much." My accent is coming in full force and I know the gods are looking down on me when she simply shrugs and walks over to grab her backpack.

"Well, I'll go ahead and sign her out and see ya'll tomorrow." I smile at Nancy and pull Adrianna to the front door.

"Lyla, before you go, I wanted to give you what I had Adrianna and a few of the other older kids work on today."

I turn around, grasping Adrianna's hand tightly and swallow my annoyance when I see the small piece of beige paper with a brightly colored tree and loads of glitter where the trunk is. There are two large green spots that look to be the tree's leaves and when I take it from Nancy's hand to look closely, I notice the leaves have people's names on them.

"I had them do family trees. It's a little hard at this age to know names so I told Adrianna to just write down who they are to her." Nancy smiles but my emotions have just gone from worry and anxious to melancholy.

Adrianna doesn't have any family, only Lisa and I, and there is nothing worse than knowing she notices it as well. She should have a father, her grandparents, maybe even a little brother or sister right now, and because of the mistakes I've made, she doesn't. Guilt eats at me as the bitter feeling of loneness consumes me.

"Thank you." I whisper, not trusting my voice to work fully in front of anyone right now.

Nancy nods her head and becomes distracted by the other children, so I use that as my excuse to say a goodbye while pulling Adrianna to my car. Once inside, I wipe at the tears threatening to fall and push the car in drive.

"Mommy are you sad?" I hear from the back and force myself not to let more tears fall down my cheeks.

"A little. But once I saw your pretty drawing, I felt much better." I smile and once I receive both dimples I love kissing each night, I turn my attention back to the road.

We get home about fifteen minutes later and I send Adrianna straight to the bathroom to wash her hands. Walking over to the sink to wash my own, I stare in fascination as the color of the soap changes the color of the water for a moment. Its lavender scent consumes me as I watch as the water circles around the sink and empties itself into the drain.

"What's for lunch mommy?" Adrianna asks as she comes up and sits in one of the barstools we have. She enjoys watching me make food and I normally take pride in her curiosity, but today, I have a feeling her being up on that stool will mean more.

"Um, I thought I would make some lasagna love bug. That way when Aunt Lisa gets home tonight, she can reheat it and we can have some for the rest of the week."

I meet the same green eyes that match mine as they bore into me with intensity. Adrianna has always been a smart kid and I'm sure she can guess that there is something off about me. I'm not my usual bubbly self, haven't been for a while now and I'm concerned it may be what's causing my daughters sudden glare.

"Mommy how come I don't have a daddy?" She asks, tilting her head a little.

My heart rate speeds up for the second time today as I run her question over and over again in my head.

Damn family tree.

"Where did that come from honey lamb?"

"When I was doing the family tree today, Michael showed me his and he has lots of leaves. I only had two of them." She says indicating with her small chubby fingers. "He had a mommy, and a daddy, and two little cousins. Where is my daddy?"

Tears threaten around the brim of my eyes as I search for a way to explain to a sweet innocent three-year-old the torturous facts of life.

"Adrianna. Sometimes people have only one parent. Just like sometimes people have no parents, or only grandparents. Some kids have adoptive parents, like your friend Jackie. Some kids have two mommies, or two daddies, some are even raised by their older sibling. Every family is different. Yours just so happen to be a mommy and an Aunt Lisa."

Please let that be it, please let that be it.

"But, what if you marry someone? Will they be like my daddy?" I give my daughter a small smile and reach over to pinch her cheeks. Adrianna has always been small for her age but has the mindset of someone as large as a giant.

"Yep, that's right. When mommy marries someone, they will be your daddy."

"Then how come you just can't marry Shane?"

The question causes me to lose my footing and I nearly slip while holding a large bag of noodles. Adrianna withdrew a little after Shane and I broke up, but she never said anything. She would ask the occasional question, like where is he? and is he coming here for dinner? But after a while, I figured she understood enough to know we weren't together anymore.

"Adrianna." I begin but get lost in thought. How do I explain to my daughter what my own heart can't understand?

"It's okay mommy. I'm going to go play with my dolls." She hops down from the barstool and heads straight down the hall.

I wipe at the insistent tears that keep making their way down my cheeks and continue to make the lasagna layers. It isn't until I hear keys and the slam of the front door do I realize how much time has gone by. Lisa walks into the room with a giddy smile on her face and I immediately relax at the fact that at least one of us had a good day.

Adrianna is sitting on her small Disney princess table, that Candice bought her, coloring and I am standing in the kitchen trying to figure out if this is the kind of night that needs one bottle of wine or two.

"I had the best day ever." Lisa says putting her scarf on the coat rack and walking further into the kitchen. The clanking of her boots alerts me as to why she had such a good day. She wasn't at work today, at least not the work she hates with all her passion.

"Oh yeah? I want to hear all about it, lasagna is almost ready."

"Oh perfect. I could use some deep and heavy food, I didn't eat all day."

"No? Why not, it's really dangerous for you to do that." Lisa used to skip meals as a child too. Mom hated it, I hate it even more. As a nurse I see what happens when young girls come in after fainting at school or worse, because they figured skipping a meal here and there would make them skinnier. That's not what Lisa is doing, she's too confident in herself, but the fear of something happening to my younger sister is still there.

"Relax mom, it was an exaggeration. I had a granola bar throughout the day. What I meant was I'm starving." I roll my eyes, hating when she compares me to mom. Mom was weak and let dad control everything, including her. I hope to never be anything like that. Adrianna will always come first and if a man can't get with that program, then we can't be together.

"Anyways, tell me why you are so happy. Could it have anything to do with the fact that you were at the gallery today?"

"Maybe." She giggles, and I welcome the enjoyable feeling to get excited with my sister after having such a rushed and panic few hours.

"Aunt Lisa, did you paint horses again?" Adrianna asks from her chair without turning an eye from her drawing.

"Not this time fairy, but I sold that one.and three others."

"Holy shit Lisa." I say then quickly cover my mouth with my hand. I peak over at Adrianna to see her still submerged into her coloring and thank God she did not hear me.

Okay, I may not be mom of the year on my language, but she knows what bad words are and knows not to say them. I never want to go to the days where we would be in the middle of the grocery store to her screaming 'hey mom there are those fucking watermelons.'

"I know. Some anonymous collector loved my oceanic collection. He bought one several months ago but when he came in today, the curator told him that I happen to be in. He's a Russian businessman that says my paintings remind him of his late mothers. He wants me to do more and message him to see if he is interested."

"That's incredible Lisa. I'm so proud of you." I hug my sister with such enthusiasm that my panic and heartache from earlier nearly vanish.

After taking in her pregnant and jobless older sister. Lisa had no choice but to put her life on hold. Living out here alone, she focused on her art instead of maintaining what she calls a regular nine to five, however once I invaded her life, she had no choice but to help me financially. Getting a job for the city was never on her to do list until Adrianna was born. She always told me she enjoyed her peace but felt good having someone to come home to and I honestly never knew if she meant it or not. Now that she is getting her art out there and enjoying every minute of it, I feel less guilty for horning in on her years ago.

"Thanks Ly. I'm happy. Now let's talk. I can tell by your face when I walked in that you were having a crap day."

I give her a sad smile, annoyed that I can't keep anything from her and give her the abbreviated version of what transpired today. From the flowers to the family tree, all the way until a few hours ago when Adrianna questioned why Shane wasn't her daddy. Lisa and I are both sitting on the couch with a glass of wine in our hands by the time we finish talking. Adrianna had given up on the coloring and since dinner would be ready any moment now, she went to play outside on the back patio we had installed when she started learning to walk.

"Wow. That's pretty deep about the family tree thing."

"You think I gave her a good enough reason?"

"Lyla, you're a good mom. It sounded like you gave her a perfect reason and it wasn't wrong. Every family is different and ours just happens to be smaller than most."

I shrug my shoulders, still not convinced I said enough. Adrianna has a strong spirit and wouldn't normally stop questioning if she weren't adamant about it, but the Shane question was so random that I don't know if she is perhaps holding things in since our break up.

"Have you thought about calling mom or dad and seeing if you all could hash this shit out?" Lisa asks sipping from her wine glass and leaning out to check on Adrianna. Normally Adrianna will find some crickets in the back to catch so every once in a while, we will hear her squeal with either laughter or surprise. It's a sound I simply adore hearing.

"I've thought of that every day since the day I delivered Adrianna, but I couldn't let go of my anger. To be honest, I still don't know if I can."

The day I found out I was pregnant I ran to my mother. I told her everything that I had been hiding from the world about Rory and me, and she simply looked the other way and told me there are times women must be what our husbands needed us to be. I couldn't believe that she was picking what Rory could mean to her and my father financially, over what he truly was to me. I knew right then and there, that I had no family, no one to turn to, except my sister.

A few weeks after I moved away, when Rory had stopped believing in the lie he told everyone about me wanting to simply 'visit' my sister, mom and dad tried contacting me. The day I read my voicemail from my father telling me that I was being selfish and only a person that doesn't want their family to succeed would do something like this, I knew I had completely lost them. Ignoring them was the only way things would work out and I needed to start a new somewhere no one knew who I was. I had gotten a new number and told no one my address. How Rory found me a few months ago, still surprises me.

Up until a few months ago, I had only my sister. Now Rory lives out here and is trying to be a part of my daughter's life, and my parents now have my cell phone number and have left me several messages about growing up and letting Rory see his child. It's hurtful that they have chosen Rory over me and the grandchild they never met.

"Know what you should do?" Lisa asks as Adrianna comes running into the house carrying what looks like an old Halloween bucket filled with grass and crickets. I turn my head towards my sister smirking when Adrianna screams at one of the crickets for trying to get out. "You should have Adrianna fill the other leaves with the MC."

"What?" I throw my head back and begin laughing.

"I'm serious. They come to her recitals, they bring her gifts, and Shane even still calls you to see how she is doing." I don't correct her that Shane hasn't called but he does text me and ask me how the princess is doing. Shane may have broken my heart in an attempt to protect his, but he still shows me how important she is to him.

"You know I won't let him hurt her right? Even if he gets something out of that judge, I will speak my mind in front of everyone Lyla. I won't let that monster hurt our girl." I nod my head feeling more tears threaten from behind my eyes. I hate how weak I feel all the time now and being helpless certainly hasn't aided to anything.

"Mommy are you crying?" I hear from behind me not noticing Adrianna has come back in the living room to join us. She must have let her small insect friends back outside.

"Hey pumpkin. Let's let mamma have some time to herself. What do you say Aunt Lisa reads you a story before dinner?"

"Okaaayy, but you have to read the whole thing. I can tell when you skip pages." I give a sad smile to my sister as she winks at me and carries my daughter upside down towards her room.

Looking up at the sky I give a silent prayer that everything goes well for me in this custody battle. I won't have a choice but to get nasty if Rory wants to take it there, but that doesn't mean this process won't undo me in the meantime.