VOLUME THREE: CHANCE

Abby

Age 5

I hold daddy's hand as I walk behind the men from his club. There is a total of six men holding mom's casket. One of them is Tom Stone, my daddy's president. Three days ago, my mommy and I went and visited daddy at the clubhouse. I love being there, and even though Max, Austin and Shane are a lot older than me, they play with me and buy me stuff all the time. Mommy and I were getting ready to head to the kitchen so that we can get some food ready for the men, when we heard daddy yelling.

There was a loud noise after that and then a lot of people running in the clubhouse. That's pretty normal, but that day was anything but. They grabbed mommy and I, then put a gun to my head. I was so scared. I kept crying and screaming while the guy holding mommy was getting mad at me. I couldn't stop. There was so much noise. People yelling, daddy yelling, me screaming and mom just sitting there. I remember looking at her and seeing her smile at me. Why was she smiling? Couldn't she see how scary it was? The man got so angry with me crying that he took the gun and shot my mommy in her face with it. That was the last thing I remember.

"And so, I hope you all remember Beatrice as I do. As Cherry, as a woman who always put her family first. As someone who would do anything for their child." Tom goes on.

I barely pay attention to the funeral. I stay strong for daddy because that's what grandma said I had to do. She said that daddy was taking it hard and that he didn't need me to make it worse. I didn't understand what that meant, but as we leave the funeral and I feel daddy's hand leave mine and watch as he crumbles to the ground, I saw it. I saw what grandma meant. Daddy needs me.

I run over to him and hold him as hard as I can. When daddy is all finished crying, Tom and Matthew, Shane's daddy, come and pick him up. Max walks over to me and picks me up and I lay my head on his chest. The next time I wake up I'm at home on the couch. Everyone is standing around eating and dad is nowhere to be found. I see Julia, Max and Austin's mom, talking to some people in the kitchen and I head over to her. She gives me a big hug which I return and asks me if I'm hungry. I tell her yes and she fixes me a plate.

I walk over to the dining room table and am about to eat, when I see it. Mom's face in little pieces are sitting on my plate. I scream, I cry, I run away from it all. I run all the way to the attic where the bad guys can't get me. I don't know how long I'm up there when someone finally comes up. It's not daddy. I wanted it to be. It's Tom though, and right now, I'll take anyone.

"Red's going to be a hard color to take in for now darlin'." He says to me. "Julia says sorry, she thought givin' you some French fries and ketchup would be a comfort food."

"Why?" I ask him with a sniffle. I don't know if I'm asking him why red is hard for me. I don't know if I'm asking him why my mom died. I don't know if I'm asking him why my dad isn't here.

"Things are going to be hard for a while Abby. Your daddy, he needs you to be strong, but that don't mean you ain't allowed to have someone there for you."

I nod my head at him, not knowing what he wants me to say, and stare down at my pretty black dress. Mommy bought it for me.

"I'm sorry Abby. I'm sorry I wasn't there, and that my club did this to you. Things won't ever be the same, but I promise, I promise that I will always be there if you need guidance. Always." He leans in to hug me and this is the first time since mom died, that I cry.

I cry for daddy, I cry for mommy, I cry because something tells me, I won't be doing it much later on.