Chance

Ten years ago

Pacing back and forth I play what the police captain said to me earlier today over and over again in my head.

"We're sorry Mr. Malone, but we still don't have a suspect."

It has been months since the shooting, and they aren't even close to identifying anyone. I have tried telling them over and over again who it is, but the same words they repeat haunt me.

Alibi.

Those fuckers that had the audacity to end lives that dreadful day, have a fucking alibi.

Anger boils in my belly knowing those assholes are out there, free to do whatever they choose, while parents of those kids have to suffer nearly every day.

I squeeze my phone in my palm tighter and bring it up to my forehead trembling as I do so. I have tried calling Sean over 40 times since I have been home and still no answer. Only one with the power to bring all of this to a conclusion, a simple phone call separates the truth from all the lies that were given to those who lost their children that day. I feel useless, broken and uneven. time is not standing still, it is simply moving on without me. My wife, my daughter, neither of them recognize me anymore. I no longer recognize myself. I no longer know who the man in the mirror is to me.

Opening my phone, I scroll through my call logs, and once again pull up Sean's number. it rings and rings but as usual, no answer.

Checking the time on the clock against the far wall, I see it's nearly two o'clock. I have only two hours until I have to go and pick up Ava from school, something I have not done since the shooting. Laurie wants me to step up as a father, but I don't know if I have the strength to do so. My family is counting on me, but so were eleven students.

My phone vibrates in my hand and I nearly jumped out of my skin an answer it immediately hoping it is Sean. I am shocked when none other than Principal Malley's voice comes up on the other line.

"Ryan? Are you there? "Rubbing my eyes with my hands I blow out a deep breath and answer my former boss.

"Yes, yes I'm here."

"Mr. Malone, have you not been receiving my last few messages?" He asks in an arrogant tone. I have been receiving the messages he has been leaving me, but there is no way in hell I am ready to return back to the school that ended everything for me.

"I have, but sir, I am nowhere near ready to return." My voice shakes as I speak to him as if nothing went down three months ago.

"Ryan, I understand you underwent something traumatic, but my hands are tied here, school board needs you back, or they will have no choice but to replace you."

"Please, I need just a little bit more time." My head pounds as more added stress comes into my mind. I stand and pace the living room, rubbing my temple as I do so.

Principle Malley blows out a deep breath. "I can do two more weeks Ryan, but that's all you get. I expect you here two weeks from Monday. Do not let me down."

My pacing tires as I'm met with a dead line. Sitting on the couch I stare down at my phone. I've been working so hard to find the person responsible for murdering eleven of my students, and all everyone seems to want to do is move on. They deserve more than that, they deserve justice.

Images flash from that terrifying day. Visions of everyone running, remembering the pain and screams I heard. Too much for my mind, I run over to the liquor cabinet and open the first bottle I see. I drink and drink and drink until I cannot stand, cannot see, cannot remember. I drink until I black out from all the noise of guilt and shame.

I wake up on the floor of the living room. Bottles are scattered everywhere and my notes on the proof I have for the deaths of my students are all over the place. I jump when a vibration sounds from under me. Realizing it's my phone I check the time on the clock.

Fuck. Ava.

I answer the phone immediately, swaying from standing so quickly.

"Y-yeah hello?"

"Mr. Malone? This is Stephanie Jones, I'm Ava's teacher? School ended almost an hour ago and she is still here. I wasn't sure if you or your wife were coming to pick her up." I'm nodding my head but stop when I realize she can't see me.

"Yes, I'm uh." Looking around I close my eyes from the dizziness of waves rolling through my brain. I can't drive, I can't drive like this.

"Mr. Malone?"

"Yes, I'm here. Listen, I'll have to call my wife, let her know Ava's been waiting. Thank you." I hang up, not wanting to hear the accusing tone of her questioning my ability to drive. I call my wife immediately and she answers on the first ring.

"Ryan? Why has Ava's school been calling me for the last hour? What is going on?"

"Are you on your way home?" I know she's been in meetings all day, which is why I was supposed to pick up Ava today. It's been months since I've helped out or contributed in anyway and I let them both down.

"Yes, now tell me what is going on."

"I fucked up Laurie. I missed the time to pick her up. Could you get her on your way, please." I beg for her not to question it further, but if she did that, then she wouldn't be the woman I married. The Laurie I know always fights back.

"What do you mean? Why can't you go and get her Ryan? She's right down the street."

"I'm drunk Laurie. I can't drive because. I can't drive because I'm completely drunk." I wait for a fight, an argument, something telling me she is infuriated with me. All I get is silence, followed by the unmistakable sound of the dial tone.

Throwing my phone on the couch. Anger courses through my veins. All this time, all the fight that I had me has diminished. I've wasted away to nothing but a bum on the floor of my living room, alcohol scattered around me. I clutch my head in my arms and scream out with frustration. How much more agony must I suffer?

A pounding at the door startles me. I check the clock one more time, there is no way Laurie has come home that fast. Slowly walking over, I swing the door open and see none other than Sean standing on the other side broken and bruised as he falls through the threshold of my home unconscious.