Chance

"Know you're all pissed. Put the club in danger, but I had to keep the intel to myself." I stare down at the small seashell, twiddling it back and forth as I listen to Austin speak.

It's been two days since everything went down at the clubhouse and everything feels completely different.

Bone is no longer in the ICU. He's still bound to the hospital, but Abby and Julia have gone to see him each day to keep him calm and in the loop. Abby is going strong, I think being close to death has given her voice a push. She and Bone have a much better relationship now and he respects us being together.

The FBI told us that we were in the clear, they found all the information to prove our innocence, including six cops coming forward with facts about what Alberts had either promised them, or threatened them with.

We were simply in the way of the drug trade. We no longer deal, that much everyone knew, but he knew enough about the clubs that if he was able to get rid of Snake and the Kings, then we would come after him. He was merely crossing us off his enormous unrealistic list.

"So what? You're in with the fuckin' feds now? Should we expect a goddamn badge on your chest?" Slice yells at his president. "Mindy was hurt and thanks to you and your goddamn secrets, is still afraid to leave the house."

"Would never fuckin' be one of them and you know it Slice. I hate that I couldn't bring you guys into it, but they needed this closed in. Only I could know."

"So what was with them bringing you in along with Bone and Chance?" Dipp nearly growl.

"A rouse, all of it. We needed to throw Alberts off. They were watching us, for a while and we couldn't keep going without someone getting seriously hurt. Between Candice, Shawna, Lyla and Abby, we see that they had no problem going after our women. Adrianna was fuckin' kidnapped. I wasn't going to let anything else like that happen."

Anger surges through my body knowing Abby was put in that kind of danger on a rouse, but I push it down. Austin had Candice hear that night as well and she's pregnant with his child. That couldn't have been easy on his consciousness.

"So where the hell does all this leave us?" Shane growls. He's just as angry with Austin as everyone else besides Max. Max has been quiet since he found out his brother kept him out of such a large loop.

"The same place we were in before all this shit went down with Alberts."

"And where was that boy? A place where our president lies to us about shit that could have impacted this club?" Lucky shouts standing from his chair. "Your daddy did that shit too ya know? Thought he could go around us and exclude us from the things we deserved to know. It's what practically got him killed."

This time it's Max that stands ready to pounce on Lucky for his words, Austin grabs his brother and holds him back, placing his hand on his shoulder.

"Lucky is right Austin. This isn't good. We can't just go back pretending that shit didn't happen. I've got my children to think about, they could have come to visit last night and we both know how that ended the last time." Slice states closing his eyes.

He's talking about Bone and Cherry.

"I wouldn't have let that happen Slice. My wife was here that night. I know you all hate it, but I had to make the decision and keep you out of the loop."

"You are supposed to be our president, but this ain't a monarchy Aus. Maybe I shouldn't be here if it's going to turn into your father's rule all over again." Dipp shouts.

"If that's how you feel, maybe you should fuckin' go." Max shouts back still being held back by his older brother.

Everyone starts speaking at the same time, some yelling trying to get over others, some standing to get their point across or to make sure Austin knows just how angry they are. I shut my eyes, hating that the only way to stop this divide is to come clean myself.

Placing the necklace around my neck once again, I stand, my chair squeaking behind me, and let out a loud whistle. The room quiets as I make eye contact with Austin. He nods his head, understanding my moment to show the others just how important this club is.

"Look, I'm not an important member of this club, I've proven more than once how unpredictable I can be. I never did formally apologize about bailing on you guys when you all needed me, but I think explaining why I did, can make you see why this club isn't just about the members. This club saved my life."

Looking around, I catch everyone's eyes. Some bare into my soul seeking answers to the many questions I can see their mind pondering. Some just have pity, as I'm sure some of their stories are just as tragic, if not more. I don't know if telling everyone my dreaded secret will unify us, but it something that needs to be shared. I won't hide my guilt any longer. Alberts is gone, and I finally feel a small amount of relief.

Taking a deep breath I speak the truth of my past.

"Austin found me a few years ago. As all of you know I wasn't in a good place, but none of you know why. Not even Austin."

Austin sits, along with everyone else, while Max's eyes study with me with determination. He was most leery of me, something that at first I hated, but now appreciate. In a way, he saved me Christmas eve from destroying myself.

"My wife and daughter had been murdered, it was my fault, my ignorance that let it happen. But the man responsible, my president just killed two days ago." Gaping mouths and eyes flowing downward is what I am met with. I didn't know what the reaction would be, but everything remains quiet and for that I am grateful for. "I won't get into details about the worst time of my life, but I will tell you, that thanks to this club, and thanks to our president, I was finally able to put my demons to rest. I'm not happy that Austin kept shit from us, I get that, but he's still my president, no matter what you all decide."

Being the brute that he is, Shane stares me down, then turns his gaze over at Austin. They've been friends since they were in diapers, I know it couldn't have been easy to swallow that he kept something so massive from him, but I think deep down Shane understands what he had to do and why.

"Glad you finally came forward boy. I'm sorry for your loss, know we had or doubts about you, but also knew you were fuckin' loyal to the patch." Lucky states cracking his knuckles. He brings his gaze over to Austin and nods his head in understanding. "Everyone good? Because I've got some pussy to get deep into the moment I get out of this chair." We all laugh at his crassness and turn to Austin for guidance. The way we always had, the we always would.

"Good." Max smirks and just like that everyone piles out of the room with peace on their minds. Some pass me, patting me on the back or chest, while others simply make eye contact with me, putting their sympathy in me. I used to hate the look of pity, but with my brothers, I don't feel that. Merely a gesture on their part that they're there if I need them.

"Chance, hold back for a moment?" I stop my stride and watch as Austin closes in on me. He shuts the door after Max, the last one out, leaves, then turns back to me. "Mind if we chat for a moment?"

"You're the prez." He smirks at my reaction.

"Yeah, but that's partially because of you." I shrug my shoulders not really wanting to take credit for anything. I simply said the truth. "I spoke with Swatch, told me you two had a chat." He stops there, looking at me with wondering eyes.

"You've got nothing to worry about Austin, I'm here."

"Not worried brother. Know you love the club, love the life, but if you ever change your mind about being nomad, you have my blessing. To be honest, I think it's perfect for you. It's freedom, something I think you may need deep down. You only ever told me part of your story, I knew about your students but not your family, and I'm sorry brother. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but your loyal Chance, never crossed my mind that you weren't."

ùùù

I adjust my tie one more time, cursing myself for feeling like such a fuckin' tool. The knot tightens as I adjust it again and shuffle my feet.

I'm nervous.

That much is clear.

I can hear loud voices on the other side of the door, but I ignore them and knock three times, waiting for Abby to answer the door.

Two weeks.

It's been two weeks since the shooting and the Alberts brothers were finally killed. Two weeks of bliss for Abby and me. Two weeks of changes since she quit nursing, deciding to focus on her web design business, and moving out of her childhood home. Two weeks of bewilderment for being able to love someone so fiercely as I love her. It hasn't been easy, I've had to come to terms that the love I had for Laurie was simply different.

Bone and Abby are doing well. It's still a little awkward when we have a meeting and seconds later I'm taking one of my brothers daughters to bed, but he respects what she and I have, so I can't exactly fault him for his constant growls towards me.

I've come completely out with my past about my students to Austin and the others, and just like I knew they would, they surrounded me with the brotherhood I needed, giving me pats on the back, shoulders to cry on, and even a kick in the ass from Shane for never telling him.

The door slowly opens. Shawna beams from the other side with a small black camera in her hand, a red light shines in the corner, letting me know I am being recorded.

Christ.

"Shawna, will you let the man in, he's still got to ask her on their date, proper style." Max snickers from behind pulling his woman inside so that I can come in.

They aren't the only ones that are inside Abby's small apartment. Candice and Austin sit off to the side on a small brown sofa, and Shane and Lyla are standing next to the bookshelf I had delivered the other day as a surprise for Abby. Each of the boys follow Max by snickering as I make my way when they take in my outfit.

I'm dressed in a black dress shirt with black tie and dark jeans. I wanted tonight to be special but judging by the way everyone is laughing under their breaths I would say I look more like a jackass.

Yeah assholes, laugh it up.

That is until I spot Abby in the middle of the group. She's wearing a dark pink dress, curved to fit her body perfectly. Her small feet are surrounded by brown heeled boots and her hair is long and wavy. She looks fucking stunning and I no longer care if I'm wearing the itchiest clothes in the world.

"Sorry, they wanted to see me off." She says in a light voice.

Nervous. She nervous about what tonight means. I told her I had something important to ask her and talk to her about and to dress up. I want us to do something a little different, but I could understand why she would be nervous. Especially when everyone she knows and cares for, suddenly showed up at her door.

"In my defense you called me over to do your hair." Shawna says still waving the camera around.

"And everyone else?"

Shawna looks behind her at everyone then looks back at Abby. "Okay, I may have opened my big mouth about tonight being really important for you two."

"I came here to see him grovel." Austin says smirking then leaning over to kiss his wife who is beaming from ear to ear.

I roll my eyes at the antics and irony of privacy but deep down I'm glad they are here. Abby does deserve to be asked on a proper date. When she mention to me that she had never been on a date, due to the fact that everyone she knew was either already inside the MC and felt more like big brothers, or the opposite, and they were too afraid of the club to even dare.

Either way, what my girl wants, she gets.

So here I am, in what feels like a monkey suit, begging to be free of the confines of everyone's stares, staring at the woman I want more than anything.

"Abigail." I call to her. Her feet immediately move past everyone and comes to stand right in front of me. "Will you do me the honors of having dinner with me?" A smile graces her face, one that I have enjoyed putting on her face more and more, followed by an energetic nod.

I hear a few ahhh's from behind her, followed by Max making a whipping noise with his mouth but I ignore them all. My focus only on Abby.

"I would love to go to dinner with you Ryan."

Grabbing her hand, I move us away from the peanut gallery, not missing the understanding nod I receive from Max and lead her outside. We walk several steps until I stop her just before my truck. She eyes it questionably but doesn't say anything.

"You ready for tonight?" I ask noticing the way she looks me up and down. That's my girl.

"Yes, more than ready. I was pretty curious of where you wanted to go today, but I'm more excited now."

"Good. Then let's get going."

I open her door for her, giving her ass a little pinch as she gets in, and close the door behind her, running over to the other side, hoping in, and immediately starting the truck.

"You know you didn't have to do this, right?" I look over to her as we drive down the road and watch her eyes go to her fingers playing with the fabric of her dress. Her hair is long and curly and some of it goes it into her face. I reach over and place it behind her ear.

"I wanted to babe. When you told me that no one has ever taken you out on a date, I wanted to make sure your first one was memorable. And before you ask, no this was not out of pity. You deserve to be treated like a princess."

"Your right, I do." She says slapping her hands down onto her lap with confidence.

"Whoa there tiger. Let's not get cocky here." I laugh when I feel her playful swat my arm. Abby has come a long way from her haunted past, and she's brought me along with her through this journey, but we still have one more place to go.

It takes us almost a half an hour to reach the old remains of the old portable classroom I once used. Abby has been quiet since I parked in the school's parking lot and took her hand, walking throughout the school until we came across the outer field.

"You don't have to go with me Abby. I just feel I owe it to them, owe it to finally forgive myself and move on." I stare into the distance where the sun has begun to set. It's a chilly winter afternoon, filled with clouds and small sparkles of wind.

"I want to Chance. I want to be a part of every aspect of your journey." I smile, facing her again and lean in to kiss her cheek. She has no idea how much her being here is helping me stay in control.

"Ready?" She asks coming over to my side and taking my hand tightly in hers.

Nodding my head, I lead her towards the scene that ruined everything for me.

I've been here before, not long after Candice entered our world, did I visit because I needed the solace, needed the distraction and small comfort in the familiarity of my past. It felt strange coming back here, but today feels different.

Today feels like something new.

We stop just before the area where I fell unconscious. I stand there, Abby still latched onto my side, holding my hand with fierceness.

Blowing out a deep breath, I look down at Abby, noticing the tears in her eyes. "This is where it happened?"

"Yes." I nod.

"How does it feel?" This time she looks up at me, meeting my gaze head on.

"Whole. I finally feel whole. I need to start living for them Abby. I no longer want to hate that I'm living, and they can't. I want to be better, do better, for them."

"We have to live for those we've lost. Otherwise, their deaths, their sacrifices, are for nothing." She states quietly and I know she's speaking of her mother.

"Thank you for coming with me." I feel her nod against my shoulder, and we stay that way, silently starring at the broken pieces of my past, for over an hour.

"So now what?" She asks as we head back to my truck.

"Don't know. Dinner? Maybe a movie? It's been a while since I've done the date thing I'm afraid."

"That's not what I meant. I mean, I'm fine with those two options, but I was talking about long term." She stops our walk and looks up at me with admiration and love. "Austin told me about the nomad thing. Are you thinking about doing it."

I look past her beyond the horizon of the dark orange sunset burning behind her. "I don't know if it's something I can do Abby. I want to. Like the idea of being free, but I also love you too much to be without you."

She nods her head and looks in the same direction as me. "I want to be with you Chance, but I also want you to be free. I love you, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. My father and I. we're whole, and I no longer live with half a heart. You taught me to live freely, love freely." She turns back to me, tears aligning in her eyes. "I choose you Ryan Malone. I choose you and that life. No matter where it takes us."

My lips land on hers in a furry.

Yeah. I'm whole.