First, I cast Fire Blast. Onto my face. My own personal face. Not someone else’s. Not a monster’s. Mine.

My defense reduces the damage, but not by much; I don’t exactly have the chance to dodge any of it. So I end up taking 175 damage from my own flame blast. Plus I burn off what might have been building into a halfway decent beard, both my eyebrows, and several layers of skin. It’s a miracle I can still see.

And a lucky thing that I can speak. “Behind you!” I ...