The best way to not join the pinball-for-life club? Go home and go to bed. That's what I did, and after the longest birthday - no, day - ever, that was the smartest decision I'd ever made.

Of course, I didn't do that until I called the police and told them about the forty-eight missing Corvettes. Yep, forty-eight, the owners of which caterwauled inconsolably when they learned what happened. I even found myself petting Garfield to console him.

The stolen Corvette he owned? A ...