I never thought I’d enjoy Thanksgiving dinner. For so many years, it was just my brothers and my grandmother and me trying to figure out some stovetop stuffing and a frozen turkey breast. Hell, most years I barely took off work.

Today, my wife has been in the kitchen since dawn with a spreadsheet, an entire rope of garlic, and a Bing Crosby marathon on the stereo. Petey and I have been vacuuming and setting out extra chairs, since Alice’s whole family is walking over in ...