For the first time in a long while, I feel…..ashamed.

My hands tremble. Just slightly. Barely noticeable.

I curl them into fists and tuck them into my pockets so no one sees. So I don’t see because the sight of my own shaking disgusts me.

I tell myself to focus. On anything else. On the meeting. On the men waiting at the shooting range. On the messages. On the faceless bastard playing with my life like it’s a chess piece.

But my mind betrays me again.

It drags me back to that engagement ...