I still have no idea how Luca does this to me, how he brings out an angry side that I didn't know I had.

My mood bounces all over the place as I get ready for the party. A cold shower helps, but only a little. One moment I feel ashamed and embarrassed, the next I'm back to being pissed - pissed at myself and at Luca. Everything is a joke to him. Sometimes I wonder if he has real feelings, or if he's gotten so good at the fake ones that he's forgotten what the genuine ones are ...