I feel like someone has gutted me. I love Luca.

The realization makes me want to throw up. It's one thing to be attracted to his perfect body, but it's another to actually fall for him. I don't even know him, not really. I can't be in love with him. I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

I can already see how this ends - with me getting my heart broken. But there's no rationalizing this away - I've already tried that and it ...