I cannot bring a child into this chaos.

The thought hit me like a punch to the chest.

It wasn't soft.

It wasn't hesitant.

It wasn't confused.

It arrived with the force of something that had been building quietly, waiting for the right moment to break me open from the inside.

The moment the idea formed, everything inside me stilled-like my own body was frozen in fear of its own truth.

My mind was far ahead, spiraling through every dark corner I had refused to face.

If I didn't even know ...