I’m in way over my head. I delivered my smarmiest, most terrible lines to this chick like I always do, hoping like always that she’d be so turned off that she’d continue to avoid me all night. Because then I could pretend that I gave it my best effort. I played the role. I’m a Sheffield, after all. I need to come on to beautiful women at fancy parties, acting like I expect them to sleep with me.

But they don’t usually do that.

I work very ...