It's been four days since I got back from the Hospital, still no sign of Austin, not even a call from him.

Sarah has been fussing over me nonstop, instructing the staff not to bother me. She brought up meals, made sure I ate them and used my medications on time, and got enough rest. I’d wanted to check on Stephan the second day. She didn’t let me but assured him he was being taken care of, her cousin has been attending to him and he’s gradually gaining mobility. I made a mental note to check on him the following day, its almost midnight already.

I looked outside the window, the rain had stopped hours ago, but the air still smelled of petrichor and wet roses drifting through the open windows. I sat in a chair with a Colleen Hoover book in a hand, but I’m far too distracted to comprehend what I’m reading.

If a pin were to drop in the mansion, it would echo; the silence was unsettling. But easier than hearing Austin and Ann making love and laughing. But tonight, the silence hurt, it reminded me of the kind of marriage I envisaged, full of warmth, laughter and love.

I heard the door open loudly and I jumped in my seat. Who could that be? The servants have retreated into their quarters. I walked silently down the halls to the living room. I saw Austin, his tie hung loosely from his neck, his steps were not steady. I walked closer to him. The scent of alcohol permeated the air.

“Austin? Are you okay?”.

“You are still up” he murmured. His voice was soft, lacking its usual venom.

“The rain woke me up, and I couldn’t go back to sleep”. I answered.

He stared at me for a long time, I couldn’t read his expression, he looked tired and gentler. I could see desire in his eyes.

He closed the distance between us “you look beautiful”.

He raised his hands and traced a line on my cheek and brushed a strand of hair away from my face, I flinched, the memory of the last he raised his hand vivid in my memory. When he lowered his face, I should have pulled away at that moment, but his breath was warm on my face, his fingers left a hot trail on my skin.

“Lorah- He groaned as he traced the V-line of my robe, exposing the swell of my breast. I felt goosebumps appear on my skin, and when I shivered, I knew it wasn’t from the cold, his hands went further down to cup my breasts in his hands, while his other hand pulled at my robe and fell to my feet. I stood before him naked, and I could see raw untamed desire in his eyes, the sensible part of me would have put an end to this, but I had lost all senses to his touch. His roamed my body.

“Damn!, my wife is sexy” he said raggedly and in one swift motion, he swooped me in his arms and carried me up the stairs. The rest of night, I gave into the pleasures of my husband but somehow, I wanted more- confessions of his love for me, apologies and assurance. But none of that came. And as I lay beside him, I was willing to enjoy the moment, however fleeting it is.

Daylight crept into the room, seeping through the curtains. I opened my eyes and for the first time since our wedding, I woke up with my husband beside me.

I felt hope surge through me, maybe it’s time for a fresh start, a new beginning, maybe we could start all over. Just maybe.

I turned towards my husband, with a smile on my lips, I whispered, “Good morning”.

His eyes flew open and whatever emotions I thought I saw in his eyes last night was gone. Now replaced by look of disdain. He sat up, threw back the covers, his expression cold “Leave my room now!”.

I couldn’t comprehend what he said “Leave?”

“What did you think happened last night? A moment of happiness and love?”.

“Austin-

“You are my wife, and part of your wife duties is to satisfy me sexually, if you think this” he said gesturing a hand between us “is anything more, you’re mistaken”. He swung his legs off the bed and reached for his robe. He turned, and his cold eyes pierced deeper than any of the words he had said to me.

“I thought last night meant something- to you, for us, that was my first time I said gesturing to the blood-stained sheets”.

“How’s that my problem? you won’t be the first virgin I’ve slept with, so I don’t see the big deal in that, it meant nothing to me”.

Tying his robe around him he said to me “Be gone before I get out of the shower”. Then he turned and left.

What just happened? My heart was pounding so fast I thought it would rip itself out of my chest.

The ache in my chest grew the minute, and for a moment I didn’t move, I just stared into space.

Hot tears ran down my cheek, I thought last night was the beginning of something new, but now I realize how foolish I’d been.

I rose slowly from the bed, wrapped my robe around myself, the blood stain on the sheets making mockery of gullibility. I pulled the sheets, folded them and placed them in the laundry bin.

I stepped out of the room in a daze, I held the door frame for support, I took breaths in and out to calm the rising panic attack I was feeling. A maid came up the stairs and saw me outside Austin’s room she greeted me softly, her eyes full of pity. I nodded and mumbled an inaudible response.

Each step I took away from the room felt as heavy as my heart, another round of hot tears threatening to spill, but I can’t afford to run into any of the servants looking like this. I half ran to my room, As I closed the door to my room, I sank to the floor and cried.