18 - BARING HERSELF

ROSA'S POV

"Arghh! Fuck!" He panted heavily as he pulled out of me, and collapsed beside me on the bed. I tried to conceal my dissatisfaction, facing the other side of the bed. Each day that passed, he seemed to have become faster at chasing his release. He didn't spend so long moving inside me, and it made it difficult for me to enjoy it as much as I hoped to.

"You should put on some clothes." I heard him say behind me, and I turned to him. I was surprised to see that he was still awake, having expected him to be fast asleep by now. He always went straight to sleep, immediately after sex.

"Go." He nudged me by my shoulder, making me frown slightly. "Put on some clothes."

I didn't have to ask why he insisted that I put on some clothes, because I guess I already knew. He was repulsed by the scars all over my body.

"Okay." I whispered, trying so hard to not let the tears my eyes drop. Slowly, I stood from the bed and made my way to the closet. It was still early in the evening, so I didn't want to wear my night wear just yet, because there might be a reason for me to step out again. Dinner. I put on a simple black gown and returned to my position on the bed.

Silence ensued between us both, and I thought he had probably slept off. That was until I heard him clear his throat.

"The weather is a bit chilly, so I figured you may want to cover up a bit." He said, and I turned to look at him. He was still very much naked on the bed, the duvet lying quite a distance away from him. He cared I would catch a cold, but wasn't worried about himself? He probably had an idea that I knew why he told me to put on some clothes. He was simply trying to make up a genuine reason for his actions.

"Thank you." I managed to say, going along with the pretense. I didn't feel great one bit. This wasn't how I envisaged my life with my mate. Or maybe I was overthinking things? Goddess! I hoped I didn't ruin things for myself, as a result of my insecurities.

We stayed silent for about an hour, before he called my attention.

"Rosa.... we should go for a walk. Would you like that?" He asked, and a genuine smile made its way onto my face.

"Yes...." I whispered, reeling with happiness inside. This was the first time he was proposing taking me on a walk. "I would love to."

"Great then!" He released a sigh and stretched out his limbs, still laying on the bed. "I should put something on." He muttered, letting out a yawn. My face fell when I noticed he seemed kinda reluctant.

"You look tired." I commented, grabbing his attention. "It's okay if we don't go."

"No no no." He released yet another sigh, finally standing from the bed. "We should go."

Within minutes, he was done dressing up, and I stood to join him. He looked over my outfit, a slight frown on his face.

"You realize it's a cold night, right?" He asked, and I stared in confusion. "You should wear something with sleeves." He said, emphasizing on the sleeves. Oh, my scars.

I hurriedly made my way to the closet, and picking out a dress with sleeves wasn't difficult, because most of the new dresses he had gotten for me, had sleeves. I was just noticing that. This time, I couldn't hide my disappointment.

"Most of my clothes have sleeves." I commented, putting on the dress I had settled for.

"Cold days, Rosaline." He curtly responded.

"What about the hot days?" I asked, and he just went silent. Wow.

"New dresses would be made for you, prior to the heat season." He said after some time. Unable to make out any words in response, for the fear of crying, I simply nodded in understanding. Thankfully, I was backing him.

Our walk was a short one, because it turned out Andrew already had a destination in mind. I looked around, appreciating the beautiful view of the place. It was a very wide field, and the grasses would have definitely looked greener during the day. For the first time that evening, I could actually feel the chill in atmosphere. I sighed contentedly, as the cool evening breeze kissed my face. I also noticed that it was fast becoming dark.

"The view is a beautiful one." I commented.

"Hmmm... I have always liked it as well. It was my go-to spot. I could always be alone and have some amount of peace, especially when my parents were unfair to me because of my sister."

I just remained quiet, and listened to him talk. He didn't always have these kinds of conversations with me, especially about his family. I always wanted to know more about his life as a child and how it was, transitioning into teenagehood and adulthood. I just wanted to connect with him on a deeper level.

"Haaaa!!!" He let out a loud sigh, facepalming himself. When he took his hands off his face, we wore a sad smile. "Once upon a time, I was locked in the darkroom for wanting something different from Audrey."

My brows raised in curiosity. "How do you mean? What is the darkroom?" I asked softly. He looked at me, and remained silent for some time.

"It was like every other afternoon, when father had walked in on Audrey and I, having childish conversations regarding the kinds of mate we dreamed of having. Apparently, Audrey had said she wanted a strong, rich, and powerful mate."

"That seemed to have pleased our father a lot, so he proceeded to enquire the kind of mate that I wished to have. All I could say was that I wanted a beautiful mate." He shrugged, making a smile appear on my face. He must have been such an adorable little boy. "Guess what happened next." He said, and I shook my head slowly.

"I don't think I can." I sincerely replied.

"It's fine. I would tell you." He nodded. "I received a hot slap across my face." He said, making me release a whimper. It wasn't like I hadn't seen worse than a mere slap. I just hadn't seen that coming, especially as he didn't come from a humble background like I did.

"That's not all." He called back my attention, making me wonder what more could have happened. "He asked if I couldn't be as thoughtful as my sister, and then proceeded to ask one of the park guards to grab me and lock me up in the darkroom. As a child, I had always been scared of darkness. So you can only imagine the trauma I had gone through, being locked up for over 2 days."

"Goddess!" I gasped, my forehead creasing into folds. Was Alpha Dean truly so wicked?

"2 days with neither food nor water." Andrew added, making my heart break for him. Inching closer to him, I found myself holding his arm and caressing it. "It's so sad what you had to go through, just for being a nice kid. What did Audrey do?" I enquired. To be very honest, I still felt a little bit of admiration for Audrey, still lingering somewhere within my heart. Regardless of all the terrible things I heard about her. I guess I was just hoping to hear Andrew say something that would excuse her other wrongs.

All he did was shrug and release a sigh. "I doubt she was pleased to see me released. She had been the least bit happy, when my mother had finally persuaded father to let me out." On hearing his words, my shoulders slumped in defeat. There was no exonerating her now, was there? "Ahhh!!!" He sighed, taking in tbe chill air. "I don't want to spoil this wonderful moment now. We should go for a run." He suggested, and my heart skipped a beat. Did he mean, going for a run in our wolf forms? He definitely did!

"Maybe we could do that next...." I was still speaking when took off his shirt, and proceeded to take off his trousers.

"Come on, Rosaline. I haven't seen your wolf before."

"Same here!" I rushed out, managing a shrug. "It's not such a big deal."

"Trust me, it is." He smiled, before shifting to his wolf form. I had been so distracted by my plight, that I didn't really appreciate the beauty of his brown furred wolf.

'The earlier he knows about my deformity, the better for us'. My wolf chided me. 'Keeping it away from him, means you're being insincere and dishonest'. She added, making me feel worse.

'I'm not trying to keep it away from him', I defended. 'I am just waiting for the right time'.

'There is no better time than now. He has been able to share a dark side of his childhood with you. You should do the same'.

I had to admit that my wolf was actually right. I mean, why not just get done and over with it? He has already found out about my dysfunctional family and my scars. This was the only thing left.

Making the bold move, I arched my back to let my hand touch the zipper of my dress, before pulling it down.

I slipped my hands out of the sleeves and pulled the dress down, stepping out of it. Next, I took off my panties. I hardly wore bras, because my breasts weren't so big. Finally naked, I shivered from the caress of the chilly wind.

'Get on with it already!'. Andrew's voice burst through my mindlink. He sounded a bit excited, which only dampened my spirits. Eventually, I inhaled deeply and finally let my wolf take over, baring myself to him.

We were in our wolf forms and I couldn't see his expression, but I noticed his eyes visibly dilate.

*****

*****

Was he scared or angry? Or just disappointed? I guess I would never really know because he said nothing. Not through our mindlink, or even after we shifted back to our human forms. We didn't even run anymore, because it was clear my wolf couldn't handle that.

Once we had gotten back to our chambers, he simply excused himself. I had no idea where he went to. When it was time for dinner, the maids had brought mine to our chambers, but I asked them to take it back. I didn't have the appetite for food.

Instead, I found myself laying in bed and crying all night. I guess what hurt the most, was the fact that I didn't know what was going through his mind. But I was quite sure that he definitely wasn't happy about the state of my wolf. Now, I would only appear weak to him. I thought about my plight and cried for quite sometime, until I eventually slept off.

In the middle of the night, I woke up. Looking beside me, I frowned to see that the bed space was empty. Where was Andrew? The events of the previous evening flooded in, and I released a sigh. Why was all these happening to me? Didn't I deserve even a little bit of happiness? Couldn't I be loved and accepted without conditions or discrimination?

I swallowed, noticing how dry my throat felt. It was most certainly as a result of crying for so long. Stretching my hand to the bed stand for the jug of water, I realized it was completely empty.

Releasing a frustrated sigh, I hopped off the bed to go get some water from the living room. Walking out of the room, I made my way through the staircase, until I got to the living room. Luckily, there was a jug of water and a glass on the table. Pouring some water into the glass, I drank until I felt the dryness in my throat disappeared. Definitely felt refreshing.

I was about returning to our chambers, when I heard some voices from the passageway leading to Alpha Dean's study. He was at the study? By that time of the night?

I knew I shouldn't have, but I found myself tiptoeing towards the study. There were no guards stationed at the door, which made it easier for me to lean by the closed door of the study. The first thing I heard, literally made my heart fall to the pit of my stomach.

"A deformed wolf? How much more useless could she be to this family?" That was Alpha Dean's voice. It simply meant that Andrew was in there with his father. It was only him who knew about my wolf. I half expected him to speak up in my defense, but all that came was silence. "She isn't from a strong bloodline, neither is she special in anyway. Even Audrey would puke at the sound of this."

Of course, their beloved daughter would detest the sight of me. I felt the little thing left of my esteem, breaking off by the second.

"Father...." Andrew was about to speak, but Alpha Dean cut him off.

"You already know that you wouldn't have the chance of becoming the next Alpha of this pack, until that mate of yours is able to provide you with a strong heir."

"I know, father. I'm working on it." Andrew replied, and I felt the hairs on my body stand. Slowly, realization dawned on me. All these while, he only had sex with me because..... he needed an heir.

"If you are, then is she with child yet?" Alpha Dean queried.

"Not yet, but I'll keep trying." Came Andrew's voice.

"Better for you both." Alpha Dean grunted. "I'm sure you can also smell her around. Take that mate of yours and leave my study now." He said, making my teary eyes go wide in shock. What had I been thinking? I had totally forgotten that I could be sniffed out from such a close range.

Before I could turn and run off, the door opened and Andrew saw me.

Not knowing what else to do, I turned and walked away in tears, my disappointment so palpable.

"Rosaline!" He called out to me, but I wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop. I felt soooo broken. On getting to our chambers, I pushed the door open and walked in. I got to the bed, but couldn't bring myself to sit on it. I felt this inexplicable torture all over. The door to our chambers closed shut, indicating his presence in the room. Slowly, his smell got stronger, and I knew he was coming closer to me. Soon, I felt his hands on my shoulders as he turned me to himself.

I was already such a weeping mess. "Rosaline." He called me softly, raising my chin up to his face. There was a moment of silence, before he spoke up. "You matter so much to me." He began. I sniffled back some tears, willing myself to listen to what he had to say. It wasn't like I had a choice. "You matter so much to me, and I care for you." He continued. "But I can't protect you and give you the life you deserve, if I'm powerless. I'm sure you heard my father down there. I would be denied my position as Alpha, if I don't produce an heir." He looked so pained, making my heart lurch at the sight.

"How else do I protect you and our future family, if I don't have the power to do so? Remember the story of the dark room that I shared with you? I was put through all of that, because I was powerless. That is why I need to become Alpha. Do you want our children to go through such pains as well?" He asked, and I found myself shaking my head in negation. "Rosaline, I want to give you the kind of life you deserve, but you have to help me first. Give me a pup."