"Hey! You’re gazing off again," Diana laughed and waved her hand before my eyes. I was startled and pushed her hand away while chuckling.

"I’m exhausted!" I complained.

I really was. I had zero energy in my body even though I’d done nothing to tire myself out.

I was thinking about what happened to me, what I lost and what I would have to bring back from the ashes to make a good living again.

"It must be hard to get used to a new workplace, leave her alone Di."

Enzo was always there to protect me. I nodded while making doe eyes at Di.

Their friendship was fun to watch. They would always try to stop each other from doing something. Because they were forces of nature.

"She knows I’m just trying to cheer her up," she air-kissed.

I smiled back at her. She was right. Knowing that she was doing her best to get me out of my head relaxed me.

Elena entered the balcony with snacks.

"They said twins would always be different from each other to an extent and I think they’re right."

I wanted to change the topic so badly that I talked about the first thing I saw.

"How?" Elena pulled Enzo to her and put their faces next to each other. They were the first twins I ever got to know that close and it was always a pleasure to watch them argue.

"Enzo is an open book but you always keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself, Elena," I explained.

She had long brunette hair and she liked to curl it naturally. Along with her big brown eyes, smokey eye makeup would look really good on her.

"I agree with that, it’s such a burden for her," Enzo looked at her sister’s face.

Elena played with Enzo's hair. It was straight, yet strong and hard to shape

"It’s best to know where and when to show your true self," she shrugged.

"You sounded very philosophical Elena, that’s so not like you," Di smirked.

"I’m sure she quoted that book she’s reading," Enzo chuckled and Elena hit his shoulder.

I looked out at the view.

Our apartment was on the fifth floor and it allowed me to enjoy many sunsets and sunrises. There was a line in front of the bakery which was understandable since they had the best bread I’d ever tasted.

My grandmother would be pissed to hear that.

My phone vibrated. I wanted it to be my mother, but no. It was him. I immediately muted it.

"Is it him?" Di asked with one brow raised.

I nodded with a straight face and kept looking away.

I felt Enzo and Elena look at me.

"How are things at the hospital?" Elena asked them to change the subject. They were working at the same hospital and having foundation training together.

"Chaos feels normal in hospitals," Di answered in a light tone. "I'm serious. If it's quiet, something is definitely wrong. It's just like motherhood."

I wondered if I could be that energetic and optimistic if I worked in a hospital. I thought I would be mentally drained.

I also lacked the physical flexibility to run around and take care of things.

But my work life didn’t make me feel very different from that. I both loved and hated that I had to write something different and interesting every day. But seeing my words in the culture column of one of the best newspapers always made me feel good.

The fall was rough. Now, writing for a small magazine felt like I was choking. It wasn’t enough in any way. Especially when it came to the financial part.

"Working at a hospital would drive me crazy," Elena chuckled. I realized I didn’t hear anything before her sentence, again my mind wanderedoff. Like many times before.

After a few hours, Enzo got up and asked, "Lena, you’re coming with me?"

Elena would sometimes stay over, because even though you’re twins, sharing a house with a sibling never feels free.

But the nights we spent together as three girls would be amazing. We would chat all night, watch movies and pretend that we were giving interviews. All those silly things brought me back to life after my depression.

"I have to, I need some materials to prepare for school. I really have to dive into it."

While they were leaving, I stood up.

"I’ll come with you, I could use a walk."

We walked on the street together, Elena took a phone call and Enzo and I were walking slowly behind her.

"You wanted to blow off some steam?" he raised one brow.

"I have to, Enzo, he keeps calling and texting every day," I said while looking down.

"Don’t let it get to you, Lara. Don’t let it discourage you from what you really want to do," he put his hand on my shoulder and dragged me to him like he always did.

"I’m really trying, but losing my job as well doesn’t help," I chuckled. "You know what he did."

"I know," he nodded slowly. "But you will get what you want, even better than what you had. I’m sure of that. I mean, who else deserves it more than you? Just keep your head high, okay?"

"Okay," I said with a sincere but broken smile.

I had nothing but hope that the future would be better than what I had now.

I knew that I could find a job to make the ends meet even though it wasn't perfect. But finding love again, to be able to love and be loved back.

It was the hardest thing to do.

Would I ever feel those feelings again? Would I be excited for someone else?

Would my heart beat faster and faster again? Would I want to be with someone again?

How far it seemed to explain it all from the beginning, to climb the steps, to overcome the obstacles.

It seemed impossible. A possibility even further than me sipping tea on Mars.